Eileen is a beautiful little old Lady back in Prescot UK who used to have me over "for tea" and would tell me stories about when she was a nurse. I loved her right away.
I left England and didnt tell Eileen because I couldnt bear to see her disappointed in me.
Today I sent her this:
Dearest Eileen,
Hello and how are you? I hope this letter finds you well.
I miss you.
…as you probably already know, Jonathan and I are divorced. It was 100% my fault and I know that. I wanted to talk with you about it at the time, I really did. I so wanted to call you or even just run to your house and cry on your shoulder but I was so ashamed that I hid. Please forgive me. Jonathan is a wonderful man and I still value his opinion over everyone else’s. We keep in contact regularly over the internet and have come to a point in our friendship that is respectful, happy and full of blessing. I am so fortunate and so grateful.
If its okay with you, I'll 'backtrack' on what I've been up to since we last saw each other.
In August 2009, I flew home to Australia. I was so happy to see my friends again. They all came to the airport to get me so I felt like a ‘superstar’ stepping through the “arrivals” gate. My friends all had posters and a helium balloon with “we love you” on it. I had only been away from Australia for 7 years but it felt like so much longer.
God blessed my life and within 6 weeks, I had a new job and a new home – an apartment in the city of my very own. I had been sleeping on different friend’s couches and spare rooms for so long and living out of my suitcase for such a time that it was a great blessing to finally have my own bed and be able to hang my clothes up in a closet.
Because of my shame, heartbreak and pain of breaking up with Jonathan, I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to face it. Instead, I decided to keep myself busy. Very busy. I worked from 8am until 6pm each day, then would get home, change clothes and go out again until very late each night – I’d go dancing, out to dinner, to the beach, the markets, bowling, mini-golf, barbeques…anything that anyone invited me to, I’d agree. I would often barely get an hour or two sleep before having to get up the next morning for work but that was the life I chose and I went for it with everything I had.
It was so crazy and I didn’t feel as physically tired as I thought I’d be. Just my soul was weary. My life was on high speed and although I was having a lot of fun, I don’t think I always made the right choices. Some things, we can run from for a while…but they will always catch up with us in the end.
That very thing happened to me on a fateful weekend on 22nd November 2009. I had agreed (as always) to go with friends to a farm 3 hours from Perth in the Country. The Gentleman who ran the farm had always run it with his brother, but recently, his brother had unexpectedly passed away and Trevor (the farmer) was starting to struggle with the workload. One of my very close friends of almost 20 years now, Justin; offered to go and help out at the farm so Vicky, Aubrey and I went with him to lend a hand.
The first day, I learnt to herd cattle (they are very stubborn and unpredictable and knew I was a ‘push over’ the second they saw me), bail hay and plant seedlings. There was NO PROBLEM sleeping that night, believe me. I fell asleep during dinner, I was too tired to even chew.
The next day, Trevor asked us to help fix any holes in the fences and check on the farm’s very large “perimeters”. Justin and Vicky agreed to check Northwards in a jeep, Aubrey was going to check east and west on a horse (the cattle and other farm animals liked him right away) and Trevor and I would go Southwards on Trevor’s quadbike. Have you seen or heard of one of them? Its like a motorbike, but has 4 wheels.
I, being the silly girl I am, didn’t bring ‘proper shoe wear’ with me (sandals and high heels just weren’t cutting it) so Trevor lent me some of his nephew’s wellington boots. They were still about 10 sizes too big for me but I shoved my feet and jeans into them and wished for the best. As we were getting on the bike, I looked around for a helmet. “Nah, we don’t need them here. Never use ‘em” Trevor said.
My last memory for a very long time was of looking down at my boots and wondering if they were going to stay on during the bike ride.
My next memory was hazy. I was in hospital covered in wires and machines were all around me. My vision was blurry and when I tried to speak or move, the incredible pain silenced me. I felt as if I had been run over by a truck several times. Every inch of me cried out in pain – especially my head.
I looked up and Justin was on one side of me holding my hand while Aubrey was on the other side gently holding my other hand. Justin had tears streaming down his face and just said “Im so sorry Janet…I should have taken better care of you sweetheart”. I lost consciousness.
My next memory was of feeling like I needed to throw up. My throat felt scratchy and I croaked out “I’m going to be sick. I’m going to vomit”. I had my eyes closed at the time, but I heard my brother’s voice yell “Nurse!!! My sister’s gonna be sick! NURSE!!!” and I threw up all over the place. Again, I lost consciousness.
The next few days went past in a painful blur. Doctors, Nurses, Neurologists and Physiotherapists came and went. I had so many visitors that my Mom asked the Nurse to limit the number of people who came to see me to just a few at a time because she was worried I wasn’t getting the rest I needed.
Doctors told me I had been involved in a quad-bike accident and that I had bruised my spine, twisted my ankle, been badly burnt on my left calf (right down to the bone), badly injured and bruised my jaw bone, and had received most of my damage to my brain – especially the frontal lobe. My brain had swelled and Doctors were worried I’d have a seizure.
No one would tell me what had actually happened in the accident for a very long time. I was in the trauma ward for 2 weeks before getting transferred to the usual hospital wards. Eventually, I managed to learn that Trevor had been going at a very high speed on the bike when he knew the brakes were faulty. (No, I didn’t know this at the time). He had swerved to avoid twisted wire in the road and we crashed. I flew forward, hit my head and face on a thick concrete pole and Trevor had run over me with the quad bike.
I praise God that Justin, Vicky and Aubrey hadn’t left the farm yet and had stayed behind to watch me enjoy my first ever ride on a quad bike. They had rushed to our aid and I learnt I had been “air lifted” by Helicopter to Royal Perth Hospital in the city. Justin had my phone and had contacted my family who met me at the hospital in a panic. All my friends were notified and were so kind and came to visit me always. In my entire hospital stay, I was not alone for a minute. I praise God for the friends in my life.
Doctors told me some very difficult things to hear. They said I would have to learn to walk again. They said because the brain damage was ‘extensive’ that I would have lost a lot of ‘life skills’ and would have to hope to re-learn them but for now to not hope for too much. Doctors said I would require a “Health team” to assist me ‘getting back to normal life’. A shower stool was installed in my shower at home but I couldn’t wash myself. My Mom and female best friends lovingly took that task and were so honourable. I was so blessed and so cared for.
Doctors said it would take 3-5 years for my brain to heal as I had damaged so much. They said I would not be able to live the ‘normal’ life I had previously been living because so many of my mental processes had been damaged. My inhibitors, judgement and personality had all been affected and would never be as they were again.
Praise God…a year and a half later, I am able to write to you and report that I can walk. I can sleep on my side (which for a long time was almost impossible), I can sit cross-legged and I am so happy because I can shower on my own and take pretty good care of myself independently now. I even (with the help of an Occupational Therapist) went back to work, returned to part-time studies and try to have a little social life in there somewhere too. Recently a full time job proved to be too much and I had to hand my notice in because I tire so much more now than I used to, but I believe a part time job is out there for me somewhere. I am interviewing for different positions and hoping for the best.
I do notice that my personality is different now. I am much quieter. I find it hard to remember, hard to ‘keep up’ in conversations where there are more than 2 people involved and I can’t read a book without getting distracted by noises in the environment (people walking by, the television or radio on in the background, children playing, the wind blowing through the trees). I get scared more. I am frightened all the time. I worry more. I question myself more. I am doubtful and wary. I don’t enjoy new experiences and find meeting new people very stressful and unpleasant.
I’m a mere shadow of who I used to be, but I pray that too will change in time. I hope so, Eileen. I really hope so.
I’m so sorry it took me so long to write this to you. Please know that you have been on my heart and on my mind every single day since I have left the UK.
I appreciate your kindness and care so much and wish I could have seen you more when I had the chance. I love you my dear friend and I hope you are well.
Please write me soon. I miss your letters and stories. I miss your ‘tea tray’ and your cosy living room with a chair just for Henry to sit on. I miss hearing your warm voice and watching the birds chase each other in your beautiful garden.
I miss YOU most of all. I would give anything to see you and be able to tell you in person how very much you mean to me and how much I have missed you.
Please give my love to Henry. I hope he is looking after you.
All my love from sunny Australia,
Janet xx
I left England and didnt tell Eileen because I couldnt bear to see her disappointed in me.
Today I sent her this:
Dearest Eileen,
Hello and how are you? I hope this letter finds you well.
I miss you.
…as you probably already know, Jonathan and I are divorced. It was 100% my fault and I know that. I wanted to talk with you about it at the time, I really did. I so wanted to call you or even just run to your house and cry on your shoulder but I was so ashamed that I hid. Please forgive me. Jonathan is a wonderful man and I still value his opinion over everyone else’s. We keep in contact regularly over the internet and have come to a point in our friendship that is respectful, happy and full of blessing. I am so fortunate and so grateful.
If its okay with you, I'll 'backtrack' on what I've been up to since we last saw each other.
In August 2009, I flew home to Australia. I was so happy to see my friends again. They all came to the airport to get me so I felt like a ‘superstar’ stepping through the “arrivals” gate. My friends all had posters and a helium balloon with “we love you” on it. I had only been away from Australia for 7 years but it felt like so much longer.
God blessed my life and within 6 weeks, I had a new job and a new home – an apartment in the city of my very own. I had been sleeping on different friend’s couches and spare rooms for so long and living out of my suitcase for such a time that it was a great blessing to finally have my own bed and be able to hang my clothes up in a closet.
Because of my shame, heartbreak and pain of breaking up with Jonathan, I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to face it. Instead, I decided to keep myself busy. Very busy. I worked from 8am until 6pm each day, then would get home, change clothes and go out again until very late each night – I’d go dancing, out to dinner, to the beach, the markets, bowling, mini-golf, barbeques…anything that anyone invited me to, I’d agree. I would often barely get an hour or two sleep before having to get up the next morning for work but that was the life I chose and I went for it with everything I had.
It was so crazy and I didn’t feel as physically tired as I thought I’d be. Just my soul was weary. My life was on high speed and although I was having a lot of fun, I don’t think I always made the right choices. Some things, we can run from for a while…but they will always catch up with us in the end.
That very thing happened to me on a fateful weekend on 22nd November 2009. I had agreed (as always) to go with friends to a farm 3 hours from Perth in the Country. The Gentleman who ran the farm had always run it with his brother, but recently, his brother had unexpectedly passed away and Trevor (the farmer) was starting to struggle with the workload. One of my very close friends of almost 20 years now, Justin; offered to go and help out at the farm so Vicky, Aubrey and I went with him to lend a hand.
The first day, I learnt to herd cattle (they are very stubborn and unpredictable and knew I was a ‘push over’ the second they saw me), bail hay and plant seedlings. There was NO PROBLEM sleeping that night, believe me. I fell asleep during dinner, I was too tired to even chew.
The next day, Trevor asked us to help fix any holes in the fences and check on the farm’s very large “perimeters”. Justin and Vicky agreed to check Northwards in a jeep, Aubrey was going to check east and west on a horse (the cattle and other farm animals liked him right away) and Trevor and I would go Southwards on Trevor’s quadbike. Have you seen or heard of one of them? Its like a motorbike, but has 4 wheels.
I, being the silly girl I am, didn’t bring ‘proper shoe wear’ with me (sandals and high heels just weren’t cutting it) so Trevor lent me some of his nephew’s wellington boots. They were still about 10 sizes too big for me but I shoved my feet and jeans into them and wished for the best. As we were getting on the bike, I looked around for a helmet. “Nah, we don’t need them here. Never use ‘em” Trevor said.
My last memory for a very long time was of looking down at my boots and wondering if they were going to stay on during the bike ride.
My next memory was hazy. I was in hospital covered in wires and machines were all around me. My vision was blurry and when I tried to speak or move, the incredible pain silenced me. I felt as if I had been run over by a truck several times. Every inch of me cried out in pain – especially my head.
I looked up and Justin was on one side of me holding my hand while Aubrey was on the other side gently holding my other hand. Justin had tears streaming down his face and just said “Im so sorry Janet…I should have taken better care of you sweetheart”. I lost consciousness.
My next memory was of feeling like I needed to throw up. My throat felt scratchy and I croaked out “I’m going to be sick. I’m going to vomit”. I had my eyes closed at the time, but I heard my brother’s voice yell “Nurse!!! My sister’s gonna be sick! NURSE!!!” and I threw up all over the place. Again, I lost consciousness.
The next few days went past in a painful blur. Doctors, Nurses, Neurologists and Physiotherapists came and went. I had so many visitors that my Mom asked the Nurse to limit the number of people who came to see me to just a few at a time because she was worried I wasn’t getting the rest I needed.
Doctors told me I had been involved in a quad-bike accident and that I had bruised my spine, twisted my ankle, been badly burnt on my left calf (right down to the bone), badly injured and bruised my jaw bone, and had received most of my damage to my brain – especially the frontal lobe. My brain had swelled and Doctors were worried I’d have a seizure.
No one would tell me what had actually happened in the accident for a very long time. I was in the trauma ward for 2 weeks before getting transferred to the usual hospital wards. Eventually, I managed to learn that Trevor had been going at a very high speed on the bike when he knew the brakes were faulty. (No, I didn’t know this at the time). He had swerved to avoid twisted wire in the road and we crashed. I flew forward, hit my head and face on a thick concrete pole and Trevor had run over me with the quad bike.
I praise God that Justin, Vicky and Aubrey hadn’t left the farm yet and had stayed behind to watch me enjoy my first ever ride on a quad bike. They had rushed to our aid and I learnt I had been “air lifted” by Helicopter to Royal Perth Hospital in the city. Justin had my phone and had contacted my family who met me at the hospital in a panic. All my friends were notified and were so kind and came to visit me always. In my entire hospital stay, I was not alone for a minute. I praise God for the friends in my life.
Doctors told me some very difficult things to hear. They said I would have to learn to walk again. They said because the brain damage was ‘extensive’ that I would have lost a lot of ‘life skills’ and would have to hope to re-learn them but for now to not hope for too much. Doctors said I would require a “Health team” to assist me ‘getting back to normal life’. A shower stool was installed in my shower at home but I couldn’t wash myself. My Mom and female best friends lovingly took that task and were so honourable. I was so blessed and so cared for.
Doctors said it would take 3-5 years for my brain to heal as I had damaged so much. They said I would not be able to live the ‘normal’ life I had previously been living because so many of my mental processes had been damaged. My inhibitors, judgement and personality had all been affected and would never be as they were again.
Praise God…a year and a half later, I am able to write to you and report that I can walk. I can sleep on my side (which for a long time was almost impossible), I can sit cross-legged and I am so happy because I can shower on my own and take pretty good care of myself independently now. I even (with the help of an Occupational Therapist) went back to work, returned to part-time studies and try to have a little social life in there somewhere too. Recently a full time job proved to be too much and I had to hand my notice in because I tire so much more now than I used to, but I believe a part time job is out there for me somewhere. I am interviewing for different positions and hoping for the best.
I do notice that my personality is different now. I am much quieter. I find it hard to remember, hard to ‘keep up’ in conversations where there are more than 2 people involved and I can’t read a book without getting distracted by noises in the environment (people walking by, the television or radio on in the background, children playing, the wind blowing through the trees). I get scared more. I am frightened all the time. I worry more. I question myself more. I am doubtful and wary. I don’t enjoy new experiences and find meeting new people very stressful and unpleasant.
I’m a mere shadow of who I used to be, but I pray that too will change in time. I hope so, Eileen. I really hope so.
I’m so sorry it took me so long to write this to you. Please know that you have been on my heart and on my mind every single day since I have left the UK.
I appreciate your kindness and care so much and wish I could have seen you more when I had the chance. I love you my dear friend and I hope you are well.
Please write me soon. I miss your letters and stories. I miss your ‘tea tray’ and your cosy living room with a chair just for Henry to sit on. I miss hearing your warm voice and watching the birds chase each other in your beautiful garden.
I miss YOU most of all. I would give anything to see you and be able to tell you in person how very much you mean to me and how much I have missed you.
Please give my love to Henry. I hope he is looking after you.
All my love from sunny Australia,
Janet xx
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