Yep, I'm really worried.
I've been reading a book "The Perfect Girlfriend" about a really crazy lady who is obsessed with marrying a guy she used to date. She is completely psycho.
My concern is how much I identify with her.
I don't understand when she's "over the top" (she steals things, copies people's house keys and stays in their homes when they're away...she obsesses about a man she's not even sure she likes and she is obsessed with living the life of a girl who bullied her in highschool - I don't get why she would want to be in that girl's life - I'd want to be as far away/as different from her as possible) but I understand and can relate to other things. For instance:
The character in the book is very passionate. She gets angry easily. She is very emotional. She sees things in 'black and white" as in, she either loves a person with all her heart - or she straight up hates them. People are friends - or enemies. She doesn't see an 'in between'. Tick from me. I'm the same.
The character, "Juliette" is surprisingly empathetic towards others. It is weird though how she can relate to some people really well but then have absolutely no clue about others - like, she feels empathy towards a little girl travelling on a plane alone and wants to care for her (she's an Air Hostess) especially on the journey and in another part of the book, she strongly identifies with a woman on the plane who is wanting a man's attention and the man just reads his paper and ignores her - so the air hostess gives the woman special attention and is especially nice to her....but then for most of the book, she wants to 'force' a certain guy to marry her and 'force' his sister to befriend her when they've both been very clear at the beginning they didn't want anything to do with her. I can relate to Juliette being protective of others. I kind of like that I have a heart for others and if I see them going through a hard time, I want to 'especially care for them', too. Another tick of alike-ness. Oh dear.
Juliette is also a pretty strong grudge-holder. She feels unfairly treated and seeks vengence. She seeks it over a span of 10 years because she's that stubborn and angry about what happened to her. She can't seem to let go - to just move on. I relate to that. I wish to God I didn't, but I hold grudges too and when situations hurt me and make me feel unfairly treated, I get pretty angry about it and also can't seem to move on from them - not quickly, anyway. That's where the difference ends, though - because I don't want revenge or to hurt them back, I just want to fix things.
Juliette does things that boggle my mind - like see people as objects. She sees people around her as either gains or losses. Friends are 'beneficial' and 'could come in handy later' I don't get that. She spends her life obsessed with forcing people to like her and forcing relationships. Juliette wants to know Nate's every move, every thought, every plan. She wants to be with him 24/7 and basically control him. I don't understand that. I like my own space too much. Juliette struggles with her break up with Nate and wants to force him to marry her and be with her forever. I'm of the mind that once a relationship is over, then it hurts like a bastard, but yeah - it's over. You can't force someone to love you again like they used to. The best you can hope for is that you'll become friends and keep them in your life but even then, you can't force the situation.
But then, I think back on my life and I remember went through something similar to Juliette's obsession with Nate - in my own life with Matt. He broke up with me and I lost my mind. I called him thousands of times, I sent him thousands of letters. I couldn't let go. I couldn't move on. I had to have him and sometimes I wasn't even sure why anymore - it was compulsive and addictive and so weird. I wanted him to love me again and I was prepared to do anything to make it happen. I know I'm not like that anymore, but oh my word - I used to be. I read the lengths this woman went through to get "Nate" back and I nod to myself, thinking "yeah, I totally get that".
This scares me!
Juliette also writes about going over every detail of her interaction with Nate - every word, every nuance, every sound and smell - going over and over it in her mind and rejoicing over all the little things. She goes over every text message from Nate "what did he mean when he said this?" "is this a hopeful thing?" "Is this good?" "I wonder if he meant..." and so on. She finds a way to rationalise in my mind what's happening and a way to tailor it so that it suits what she wants. She fantasises about her future with Nate. I do that, too.
Arrrghhhhhhh!
Should I be concerned about this? I'm hoping for another appointment with "George" my psychologist and hopefully we two can hash this out together. It would be good to get his take on this. I'm hoping he puts me at ease and tells me I'm not a psycho. That would be awesome.
God alone knows what I'll do if he actually tells me I'm a worry.
I've been reading a book "The Perfect Girlfriend" about a really crazy lady who is obsessed with marrying a guy she used to date. She is completely psycho.
My concern is how much I identify with her.
I don't understand when she's "over the top" (she steals things, copies people's house keys and stays in their homes when they're away...she obsesses about a man she's not even sure she likes and she is obsessed with living the life of a girl who bullied her in highschool - I don't get why she would want to be in that girl's life - I'd want to be as far away/as different from her as possible) but I understand and can relate to other things. For instance:
The character in the book is very passionate. She gets angry easily. She is very emotional. She sees things in 'black and white" as in, she either loves a person with all her heart - or she straight up hates them. People are friends - or enemies. She doesn't see an 'in between'. Tick from me. I'm the same.
The character, "Juliette" is surprisingly empathetic towards others. It is weird though how she can relate to some people really well but then have absolutely no clue about others - like, she feels empathy towards a little girl travelling on a plane alone and wants to care for her (she's an Air Hostess) especially on the journey and in another part of the book, she strongly identifies with a woman on the plane who is wanting a man's attention and the man just reads his paper and ignores her - so the air hostess gives the woman special attention and is especially nice to her....but then for most of the book, she wants to 'force' a certain guy to marry her and 'force' his sister to befriend her when they've both been very clear at the beginning they didn't want anything to do with her. I can relate to Juliette being protective of others. I kind of like that I have a heart for others and if I see them going through a hard time, I want to 'especially care for them', too. Another tick of alike-ness. Oh dear.
Juliette is also a pretty strong grudge-holder. She feels unfairly treated and seeks vengence. She seeks it over a span of 10 years because she's that stubborn and angry about what happened to her. She can't seem to let go - to just move on. I relate to that. I wish to God I didn't, but I hold grudges too and when situations hurt me and make me feel unfairly treated, I get pretty angry about it and also can't seem to move on from them - not quickly, anyway. That's where the difference ends, though - because I don't want revenge or to hurt them back, I just want to fix things.
Juliette does things that boggle my mind - like see people as objects. She sees people around her as either gains or losses. Friends are 'beneficial' and 'could come in handy later' I don't get that. She spends her life obsessed with forcing people to like her and forcing relationships. Juliette wants to know Nate's every move, every thought, every plan. She wants to be with him 24/7 and basically control him. I don't understand that. I like my own space too much. Juliette struggles with her break up with Nate and wants to force him to marry her and be with her forever. I'm of the mind that once a relationship is over, then it hurts like a bastard, but yeah - it's over. You can't force someone to love you again like they used to. The best you can hope for is that you'll become friends and keep them in your life but even then, you can't force the situation.
But then, I think back on my life and I remember went through something similar to Juliette's obsession with Nate - in my own life with Matt. He broke up with me and I lost my mind. I called him thousands of times, I sent him thousands of letters. I couldn't let go. I couldn't move on. I had to have him and sometimes I wasn't even sure why anymore - it was compulsive and addictive and so weird. I wanted him to love me again and I was prepared to do anything to make it happen. I know I'm not like that anymore, but oh my word - I used to be. I read the lengths this woman went through to get "Nate" back and I nod to myself, thinking "yeah, I totally get that".
This scares me!
Juliette also writes about going over every detail of her interaction with Nate - every word, every nuance, every sound and smell - going over and over it in her mind and rejoicing over all the little things. She goes over every text message from Nate "what did he mean when he said this?" "is this a hopeful thing?" "Is this good?" "I wonder if he meant..." and so on. She finds a way to rationalise in my mind what's happening and a way to tailor it so that it suits what she wants. She fantasises about her future with Nate. I do that, too.
Arrrghhhhhhh!
Should I be concerned about this? I'm hoping for another appointment with "George" my psychologist and hopefully we two can hash this out together. It would be good to get his take on this. I'm hoping he puts me at ease and tells me I'm not a psycho. That would be awesome.
God alone knows what I'll do if he actually tells me I'm a worry.
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