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mehhh

Not much to write about today, I guess.


I got a contract extension and can stay in this job (that I love) for an entire year :) Praise God, I have a year of steady wages and can work at a place where I am happy, appreciated and have made some great new friends. God is so good.


Alun is happier as we are easing away from Christmas so that's also a good thing.


I 'checked in' with "George" - my favourite psych ever - and we had a good long chat over the phone. We had to do phone counselling because I work long hours now and can't get out to Fremantle (an hour's train ride away) at a decent (not too late at night because I have to travel on my own) hour. I'm blessed to have a Psych I can trust. Again, God is so good.


AND YET.


I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.


I am noticing that I'm saying to myself more often than not "You're going to be okay, JD. Just calm down"


I'm anxious a lot, tired a lot and I don't 'bounce back' from things that upset me as quickly as I used to do.


Little things knock me for six.


The other day, I got told off for being "too loud" on reception (true) and it was a light "hey, can you keep it down" type of thing but honestly, I physically shook for hours afterwards and couldn't get my heart beat to settle.


Alun and I have "date night" tonight - already bought and paid for in advance by Alun (bless him. Too cute) and I've cancelled. I'm just too tired. I don't fancy being out late tonight (Al had booked us into an outdoor cinemas...Oh Al...I feel awful wasting your money) and having to be in work early tomorrow :( I will just be worrying the whole time and not able to rest until we are home again so now we're just not going at all.


I feel so guilty about it.

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