God makes beauty from ashes

This depression is unfounded, not based on anything, unexpected...and absolutely knackering. It's physically exhausting to be this unhappy and empty. I can't believe how much sleep I require just to get through the day. I sleep all the time but feel so very tired anyway. What worries me is that my emotions right now are hard to manage or control because I don't know from one minute to the next how I'm going to feel. When I'm at home with Alun pottering about in the kitchen...I'm okay. I'm usually in bed with the doona cover over my head...or on the couch just staring at the wall wondering what's become of me in short a time span...but I'm "ok" The minute anything else happens, however - I'm not good. For instance, my friend Amy rang yesterday. My phone's ringtone went off and I saw Amy's familiar name flash up on the screen. I was surprised to feel dread. Absolute dread. Why was I reacting like this? I love Amy!

*George opens the door between the waiting room and the hallway leading to different psychologists' offices. His face lights up and he raises his eyebrows. That's George's standard greeting. That's his way of saying "Hey there, Janet - come on in" My standard response is to roll my eyes. The same way a teenager does at their beloved Dad/Uncle. I get up from my seat and am usually turning my phone off. "Facebook?" George will enquire with a wink "Yes. Switching it off now, sorry" I will apologise in response. And so it has been. For almost 2 years now. Maybe longer. I've felt a lot better in the last 6 months, so our appointments have been monthly and more of a check up than anything huge. I've even missed a few because I was too busy enjoying life. Not this time, though. Whenever we enter George's room, I re-arrange it. I set the two chairs so they are facing each other. I straighten the tablecloth which is alw