God makes beauty from ashes

Grey words in my Facebook status ask "What's on your mind, Janet?" Well today, I'll tell you. I'm grieving because my brother has cut me out of his life. I miss him. I'm grieving because he and Kate have had a little baby boy - Sebastian Jay - and he's as cute as a button. I have a nephew and I'd so love to hold him. But I will never be allowed. And I take that personally....because it is personal, after all. Mom rang today and followed up our  phone conversation with an updated picture of week-old Sebastian - he looks so much like Jay did as I baby. I know, because from the moment they brought him home, I was my brother's keeper. I was his protector and his shadow. I loved him and I gave Mom a run for her money when it came to mothering him. I fed him, rocked him to sleep, told him stories, prayed for him, sang to him, tickled his toes and blew raspberries on his stomach. He was everything to me. It hurts me so much that I'm nothi

I've had such a good run lately that when depression came a'knocking - it floored me. I forgot it could do that, you know. I forgot it could come back and visit whenever it wanted. And so it has. I pray it has only come about because of my lady pains. These ones have been particularly painful. They are so painful in fact, that I think I'll be staying home from Church tomorrow. And I LOVE going to Church. So, this evening, I'm going to "Katniss Everdeen" it. When I was reading the Hunger Games books (a bloody good series - let me tell you!), one part really struck me. Well, two - but I'll blog about the other one another time :) The part that I'll talk about today is the part when Katniss has gone through so much trauma that to settle herself, she reminds herself what her name is and what district she's from. Tonight I'll do something similar. This is what I know: My name is Janet Daniels-Thomas (God willing, it WILL be one day. Ha