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Showing posts from May, 2020

Trying to move on from George

It's struck me how similar a psychologist-to-patient relationship is to a romantic relationship because right now, I'm trying to "get over" George, (not his real name) and finding it really, really hard. George and I "worked" together for 3 years and became really good friends over all those psychology sessions. I shared my deepest secrets, biggest fears and most treasured hopes and dreams with George. We'd "unpacked" so many things...every time I'd gotten fired from work, all my relationships, my worries, my triumphs...I guess when you spend that much time getting to know someone - there's bound to be a relationship there. I shared my hopes and fears, and he ended up sharing his life, too. He loved yoga. He had a partner and she had a 12 year old son who didn't approve of George and was a little too sarcastic for his liking. George also had an office bully and related to my struggles because he knew what it was like. We became

Trauma

I don't know how to get past it, guys. The trauma. Nothing has happened apart from the daily bollocking by Barry (thanks, mate. NOT) but I feel like I'm suffering. I tried to kill myself on Christmas Eve. I tried again about 6 weeks later. I went through 3 jobs in as many weeks AND Alun's parents came to stay. That's all really, really affected me. Alun and I were in a really bad way for a while there. It was scary. We were both depressed, both anxious, both lashing out. I was seriously considering a divorce. Not just having a hissy fit...I seriously wanted to leave Alun. He accused me of KILLING his parents "You're sentencing them to death, I hope you're happy" he had branded me with a heavy burden. How was I suddenly responsible for the livelihood of his parents? I just wanted my home back. Then they left. Covid19 took over the world. And we've all moved on. But I haven't. I'm still on Christmas eve. In my head, I'

how it started

I've been struggling at work in the last few weeks as the 'charming' Team Leader I thought I had is actually an overly ambitious shark. He's figured out who he can mess with, who he needs to butter up and who he can downright bully...and guess which group he's put me into? Yep. So I get "pulled aside" for a DAILY "meeting" with this guy. We'll call him "Barry". Barry is a small, weird looking Indian guy who speaks as if he's quietly singing somehow. There is a lilt to his tone and use of words which seems to go up and down hills as he's speaking. I find it unnerving. I always have. I excused it in the beginning because he was always complimenting me. Now that he's honed in on my weakness (I'm a people pleaser, damn it), his voice just grates on me. When my work Skype pops up with a  message from him "Janet please come see me", I know I'm in for a bollocking. He messages me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Wh

An afternoon with Moiz

Some people you just connect with instantly; and they become your friend for the rest of your life. I've had a few of those moments in my life. Christabel was one of them. We met in the Uni "Megalab" (a huge room filled with computers for Uni students to use). I don't know who started talking first, but within the blink of an eye, we were pouring out our hearts to each other. Christabel was far from home, in Australia on her own and feeling really lost with the massive culture shock and taking on studies. I told Christabel I was attempting a teaching degree for the 2nd time (I've tried over 7 bloody times in the last 25 years) and had to start over even though I'd already completed 3 years as the curriculum had changed. A week later, she was moving in with me. We've been best friends ever since. Troy was another. I remember the night we met like it was yesterday. We met in the Church carpark on a Friday evening. The sun had just gone down and I