God makes beauty from ashes

I've spent most of my life not really knowing or caring about gardening. It's so weird when at one point I didn't know or care about plants and flowers and now - they're the best part of my day :) I love walking out to our little back garden and watering our flowers or our "baby farm" of miniature food. Our strawberries in particular are so tiny - but they're so cute and they taste heavenly. I don't think I could ever go back to overly processed fruits and vegetables. It's organic or nothing! Haha. I love that we're able to grow our own food. Unfortunately for me, I'm a fan of MEAT and that, I can't grow on my own - but I guess it's a good thing eating more fruit and vegetables. Alun and I have a little farm where we grow: Capsicums (Peppers to you in the UK/US) Spring onions Welsh chives (ooo!) Cherry tomatoes Strawberries Lemons (ok they haven't fruited yet but we're just waiting! The dwarf lemon tree we got is lo...

My prayer for me: That my palms wont be sweaty tomorrow - so I can hold your hand That God gives me wisdom to answer you with, so I can give you solid advice That I don't just listen to you - but that I can read between the lines and really hear you when you speak That I can be a good friend to you in all the best ways. I pray I remain silent and just let you talk. My prayer for you: That God will comfort your heart That God will surround you with peace, blessing, favour and success in everything and anything you want to do That God will place in on the hearts of those you love most to text you, call you, invite you out for a meal or even just to go to your home and quietly sit with you if that's what you need and want most I pray God gives you a way out of the pain you're experiencing and guides your steps and your decisions I pray you don't give up - because you're worth diamonds and are so loved by those honoured enough to have you in their lives.

In an effort not to combust from all the RAGE I'm experiencing - here is a happy moment in my life a like to reflect on from time to time... When I was struggling under the weight of control "Gareth" had over me...on one of the rare afternoons Gareth wasn't home "watching me", my friend Troy randomly visited. He jingled his car keys happily as I opened the front door to greet him; "Get dressed - we're going out" Out? I never went anywhere without Gareth "accompanying" me. I bit my lip, worried. What would Gareth say? Troy seemed to read my mind "Just for an hour - we'll be back before he is" he winked. My old friend - a friend I've had for more than 20 years now - I can't look at him without feeling a rush of fondness for him. Troy's hair at the time was quite long in front and hung over one big, brown, friendly eye. "Ok" I relented "just for an hour" Troy beamed a huge smi...

I can tell my ladypains will arrive any minute now because I'm fed up with everything. I hate myself. I hate everyone around me. I hate colours. I hate black and white. I hate stomach cramps. I hate how my teeth and gums hurt. I hate how the sun has blackened my skin. I just feel bitter, resentful and really, really angry. Is it just me or do you go through this, too? So yeah - today's blog post will need to be had with a pinch of salt. Or sugar? I hate both of them today. Mom rang me last week and was so excited for Jay's wedding at the end of the month. She also told me that Jay and Kate are having a baby. What?!? That's pretty tremendous (as in grand in scale) news and I feel even further away from the family unit. Yes, I asked for this and dug myself a hole. Now I'm in said hole and hating every minute of it. I emailed Jay and Kate an apology "Sorry for losing my mind you guys, I messed up - hope you will forgive me one day". ...