God makes beauty from ashes

I had a great Christmas morning. Alun - who normally hates Christmas - was in a giddy. It was wonderful to see him so happy and even though I complained about it, it made me smile to hear Alun making songs up about Christmas. It was mostly Alun singing the word "presents" over and over again in different keys while he ran around the house giggling. Bless him. We gave each other great presents and had a wonderful nap together curled up around each other on the couch after all the excitement of presents. I guess this is 40 because I liked having a little nap more than anything today. Haha. OMG I'm old. Mom called later that afternoon. I was helping myself to lunch - Mexican food (lol) and smiled, seeing Mom's name light up on my phone's screen. "Hi Mom" She was already chuckling. Mom is always laughing about something, God bless her. "hahaha Hello my Janny!" her happy voice boomed across the phone lines. We talked for a few minutes ab...

I get scared to say it, you know. I get scared to say "Actually, I'm doing great" because I feel like 'life' will overhear me and think to itself "is that right?" and give me a terrible illness or put me through a really hard time just to prove me wrong. It's silly, I know. So today, I'm going to be brave and say it. I'm actually doing really, really great. I love my job, I have wonderful friends, I'm in a happy and amazing marriage and I live in a really beautiful home. Yesterday, for instance, was a really good day. I had a great day at work, pottering about in the office, cleaning and chatting to staff. I love what I do (God alone knows what my actual title is - there isn't a reception area on this floor and I just tidy up around people - whether they're in the kitchen or not - as well as do a bit of Admin work) and the afternoon flew by really well. I'd been in touch with Alun a few times in the day, just cal...

The other side of my messy blogs of late...is that I'm doing great . I love my job. I earn a small fortune every week ($800 - probably not loads to you, but to me, omg I feel like a millionaire) and I'm continuing to lose weight. I love my PT sessions. I love Yoga. My yoga instructor is now a friend and she always encourages me and lifts me up on facebook :) so good! I love that I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I'm still overweight...but because I'm a size 12 now and not a 16...I'm feeling pretty great. 2 dress sizes and 20kgs to go. I can do this! I'm living a really happy life . Alun and I love our new house. Our first real home together. We love the jarrah floorboards, the French doors, the pretty bay windows in both bedrooms that open up in the old-fashioned way. We love that our home has two of everything - 2 living rooms, 2 bathrooms and 2 bedrooms. It sounds massive but it's not. It's just right . We moved in with our old second-...

Oh this is a hard one for me. Because I think I fall in love with friends the way I fall in love with boys - hard, fast and for life . And this friend... I'm absolutely crazy about . I believe I truly am in love with my friend Gracie. Not in a lesbian way. Just in the way that she's worked her way into my heart and over the years, no matter what she does to break it, I always allow her back in. Willingly. I love Gracie's fierceness, her determination, that she's not much taller than me but she's as strong as an ox. I love how protective, brave, strong and downright hilarious she is. Gracie is the life of the party and lights up a room just by being in it. It's strange to admit, but I even love Gracie's hands. She has gorgeous olive skin and long, tapered fingers. Her hands are graceful and so delicate, yet really strong. If I could ask God to change my hands, I'd want hands like Gracie. I love that I know if Gracie only had a dollar left in th...

For goodness sakes. I'm totally fed up. I think I invite drama into my life unwittingly, you know. There I was...as happy as a clam, enjoying my awesome marriage, awesome job (omg I love this job), awesome friends and awesome life... ...and then within the space of only a few hours, Kirsty emailed AND Gracie rang. 2 People who just mess me around, break my heart, are demanding, selfish and not nice to me. So why do I make every effort to have them back? Because I'm an idiot. That's all I can come up with. I'm completely stupid. Who would ALLOW back into their lives people who just break them? Break my heart, belittle my confidence and make me question who I am as a person? OMG. I talked to Alun about "Kirsty" and Gracie yesterday. He laughed and wrapped his arms around me "Little wife, you want to be friends with everyone...whether it's good for you or not...these girls - they're bad news...I think you should let them go...

Such a simple word but one that I like a lot. "Hey" I used it twice today on people in my life who have really, really hurt me. First, "Kirsty" is back in my life. When I say 'back', I actually mean "at the very edges" of it, but there nonetheless. This is a tricky one because it's been such a rough history between us. I read a saying somewhere on facebook that really resounded with me " when you think about tearing a fence down - take time to remember why you put it up in the first place " . That spoke to me because my memory is shocking . Also, metaphorically speaking - I'm a fence tearer - not a fence builder - at heart. I love forgiveness. I love being friends. I love 'starting over' and I love knowing someone is back in my life rather than leaving...so remembering why I put the fence up in the first place starts to get a bit hazy. But on the other hand...because putting fences up is so rare...it stays on m...