God makes beauty from ashes

I cannot BELIEVE I'm 41 bloody years old as I write today's blog!!! FORTY BLOODY ONE!!! Where did time go? Honestly? Where??? I spent hours and hours in bed last night, going over my life (what I've experienced so far) and wishing with all my might that I could go back and have a 'do over' because I feel like I got so much of it wrong. The person I am combined with my depression means that I define myself by all the mistakes I made. I remember them all. I struggle when it comes to remembering when I did something great. Isn't that strange? I have so much regret when it comes to my life. I would like to be sent back to my 13-year-old self but with all the knowledge and experience I have now and get to do it all over again. This is what I'd do differently: We went on a family holiday for about 4 months, travelling around the world. I cried and sulked every single day. Why? Because I'd gotten my first ever boyfriend about a few months before...

That's how the depression started yesterday. With clutter. Al and I were wrapped up tightly together on the couch, enjoying a blissful late morning nap when Alun's phone "pinged" with a message. Al opened one eye and smiled down into my face. He reached across to pick up his phone and groaned. "Argh it's Troy. He's on his way over with some stuff" Reluctantly, we both got up. Troy is going on an adventure - driving around Australia by himself while he waits to see if his Australian visa will come through. This has been over a year in the making - with Alun and Troy sitting together on various afternoons, frowning at the laptop screen and filling in form after form for Troy. The Government always writes back (after months and months) asking for another form - or a change to the forms the boys have already sent. So frustrating. I'm hoping all their hard work and effort will be rewarded and that Troy will be granted a permanent visa. I kn...