Today is my 2nd wedding anniversary without Jon.
This year, Im more able to accept it. Last year, I was running from it. I ran all the way to a nervous breakdown and a horrific quad bike accident.
Odd the way 'just another day' can actually be really hard to get through.
I texted Jon last night. First of all, just "hey - how you doin'?"...Jon texted back "yeah good. u?" and I texted "on the whole, pretty blessed. Finding tomorrow hard for obvious reasons. should be just another day but cant seem to stop hurting over it. Hope you'll have a good day. Thinking of you" and didnt hear back from him.
Just texting though seemed to take such a weight off. I'd been up most of the night tossing and turning and worrying so once I'd texted Jon - it didnt seem to matter if he texted back or not, I just needed HIM to know I was thinking of him. I went straight to sleep after I'd sent that text. I woke this morning to check my phone and hadnt heard back so I was a bit dissapointed.
Which has led me to think of Jon today. All day, pretty much. Not in a painful way though there's obvious loss...more in a "wow. im glad we had what we had. good times, now they're over...what next?" way.
Got to work and recieved an email from Jon this morning. It basically said "Yeah today is hard, but we move on. Janet, its hard to read 2 chapters of a book at once. First, you have to finish the chapter you're on...then you turn the page and start the new chapter. Every year it will get easier. Hope you're okay"
And when I got that email...I exhaled...for the first time in a year.
I want to finish off by listing the things I love - and will always love - about Jon and the things I've learnt.
Thought it would be a good way to END this chapter of my life, hey?
THINGS I LOVE(d?) about Jon:
* He did everything with his whole being. Every project or new idea, he'd go after with his might.
* Jonathan loved a gift (for himself) more if he was able to share it with someone. The first thing Jon would do with anything he was given was to turn to someone he loved and say "try this, it's awesome!" with a huge smile.
* Jon had a good heart. Even if it made him late for work, he'd stop to open a door for someone or help an old lady with her groceries or something.
* Jon loves the Church and the Youth with all his heart. He works with passion and determination and gives up so much of himself because he wholeheartedly believes in the Church and the Youth.
* Jon delights in the delight of others. He does things sometimes purely for the pleasure of seeing someone else smile. He's selfless like that and that's lovely.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM JONATHAN:
Like it or not, Ive actually gotten alot of my humour from Jon. I like to think my humour is MINE alone but when I look back truthfully and a little more objectively at things...Jon has so much influence in the things I now find funny and the way I look at life. I have Jon to thank for my "english humour" which is pretty kick-ass and way better than it used to be.
I've learned (ironically) to take chances - HUGE ONES - and not be scared anymore.
Jon taught me how to take on more than I thought I could do
Things I liked about our Marriage:
We were a KICK-ASS team. Sometimes you go into a place to do your 'job' and think - I will have to do it ALL because otherwise, it wont get done the way I want it done. That NEVER happened with Jonathan. He always did things the way I would have done. We could go into Church, set up and be ready on time and do everything we needed to do with precision.
We always had fun together.
I could talk to Jon about anything.
I married my best friend. I really did.
It's 4:15pm and Im ready to finish work and START my new chapter...with Alun.
hope YOU have had a good day xx
This year, Im more able to accept it. Last year, I was running from it. I ran all the way to a nervous breakdown and a horrific quad bike accident.
Odd the way 'just another day' can actually be really hard to get through.
I texted Jon last night. First of all, just "hey - how you doin'?"...Jon texted back "yeah good. u?" and I texted "on the whole, pretty blessed. Finding tomorrow hard for obvious reasons. should be just another day but cant seem to stop hurting over it. Hope you'll have a good day. Thinking of you" and didnt hear back from him.
Just texting though seemed to take such a weight off. I'd been up most of the night tossing and turning and worrying so once I'd texted Jon - it didnt seem to matter if he texted back or not, I just needed HIM to know I was thinking of him. I went straight to sleep after I'd sent that text. I woke this morning to check my phone and hadnt heard back so I was a bit dissapointed.
Which has led me to think of Jon today. All day, pretty much. Not in a painful way though there's obvious loss...more in a "wow. im glad we had what we had. good times, now they're over...what next?" way.
Got to work and recieved an email from Jon this morning. It basically said "Yeah today is hard, but we move on. Janet, its hard to read 2 chapters of a book at once. First, you have to finish the chapter you're on...then you turn the page and start the new chapter. Every year it will get easier. Hope you're okay"
And when I got that email...I exhaled...for the first time in a year.
I want to finish off by listing the things I love - and will always love - about Jon and the things I've learnt.
Thought it would be a good way to END this chapter of my life, hey?
THINGS I LOVE(d?) about Jon:
* He did everything with his whole being. Every project or new idea, he'd go after with his might.
* Jonathan loved a gift (for himself) more if he was able to share it with someone. The first thing Jon would do with anything he was given was to turn to someone he loved and say "try this, it's awesome!" with a huge smile.
* Jon had a good heart. Even if it made him late for work, he'd stop to open a door for someone or help an old lady with her groceries or something.
* Jon loves the Church and the Youth with all his heart. He works with passion and determination and gives up so much of himself because he wholeheartedly believes in the Church and the Youth.
* Jon delights in the delight of others. He does things sometimes purely for the pleasure of seeing someone else smile. He's selfless like that and that's lovely.
THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM JONATHAN:
Like it or not, Ive actually gotten alot of my humour from Jon. I like to think my humour is MINE alone but when I look back truthfully and a little more objectively at things...Jon has so much influence in the things I now find funny and the way I look at life. I have Jon to thank for my "english humour" which is pretty kick-ass and way better than it used to be.
I've learned (ironically) to take chances - HUGE ONES - and not be scared anymore.
Jon taught me how to take on more than I thought I could do
Things I liked about our Marriage:
We were a KICK-ASS team. Sometimes you go into a place to do your 'job' and think - I will have to do it ALL because otherwise, it wont get done the way I want it done. That NEVER happened with Jonathan. He always did things the way I would have done. We could go into Church, set up and be ready on time and do everything we needed to do with precision.
We always had fun together.
I could talk to Jon about anything.
I married my best friend. I really did.
It's 4:15pm and Im ready to finish work and START my new chapter...with Alun.
hope YOU have had a good day xx
"Even if it made him late for work..."
ReplyDeleteSo that's why he was late EVERY day? Wow, I never knew :p
hee hee! now you're on the 'inside track', Cat :) love you xx
ReplyDelete