The man on my birth certificate

I've spent 36 years of my life wondering who my Father is. My Mom gets very cagey about this and whenever I've asked over the years, walls go up. Mom gets angry and defensive and I end up feeling like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall.

Last month, on a good friend's recommendation to try a special US 'Search' website...I found the man on my Birth Certificate.

I looked at his picture for a long, long time.

I didn't have any of his features. He was a burly, white, American man...a little on the chubby side with blue eyes and a kind smile. He looked to be in his early 60's.

So where did I get black skin and afro hair from? Mom has light, creamy coffee-coloured skin and poker-straight, long black hair.

We only get one chance at opportunities like this...so I wrote and re-wrote a letter to this man. This man listed as my Father on my birth certificate. I re-drafted what seemed like a hundred times. I held the addressed, stamped envelope close to my chest (the "search" website listed his home address - I thought a hand-written letter would be nicer than an online message) and whispered a prayer as I carefully slotted it into the red mail box on the busy city street corner.

6 weeks later and I hadn't heard anything back.

I talked it over with Alun and he recommended I email Stephen directly.

So last night, I did.

And this morning...Stephen's name was lit up in my email's 'inbox'.

I called Alun over and while we held hands, I opened it. Worried about what I would find, I turned the laptop screen to Alun who read it first, nodded and said "OK. Go ahead and have a read...just don't be too disappointed, okay? I'm here for you"

and I turned the screen back to face me.

This is what the email said:


Here goes.

 Glad to hear that you are OK. Your mother Marcelina Castro Delantes was married to me for about 1 yr. She was pregant when we got married, but I am not your natural father.  She told me that the father was on the USS Oklahoma City stationed out of Japan. I believe his name was Bob. 

When you were born, I agreed to list my name on the birth certificate.

You mom and I had a very nasty divorce. She stole everything I had in our apt except our bed. She denied everything, but the landlord saw her come in and take everything. It almost cost me my career in the Navy. I got in a lot of trouble.

Please talk to your mother and do not contact me again.

Best of luck.

Steve

Woah.

I have so much I want to say...so much I'm going through...but for now, this is all I can think to blog:

This guy got jipped by my MOM and is NOT my natural Father.

Who is, then?

Do I belong to anyone at all?

I wont tell you how many internet searches "BOB in USA" brought up.

I'm taking deep breaths and cleaning the house today. I'm on autopilot and a million questions are going around in my head. I'm hurt, disillusioned and feeling really questionable.

I'll write again soon.