Hey,
I leave for Bali in 2 days (aargh!) and am I the least bit organised? No. No, I am not.
I havent even started packing.
Here's whats happened since I last wrote:
Shelbie and I arranged to go to dinner together last night. We arranged this weeks ago and I've been looking forward to it for ages. I love spending time with Shelbie - I can just be myself and we can catch on our favourite shows and 'gossip' about the characters and argue about our favourite people in "My Kitchen Rules".
I was in the carpark looking for Shelbie's car at 5:01pm and was excited for going for a meal with a good friend. Shelbie pulls up next to me and grins a welcome as I open the passenger door.
At the same time as I pull my seatbelt around my huge frame and beam an excited smile at Shelbie, my phone rings. I grimace in apology to Shelbie, mouth the words "Sorry about this" and answer the call.
It's Gracie.
"Hello?" I answer hesitantly - Gracie hasn't called me in over a year now.
Gracie is crying hard, sobbing and gasping in a highly upset state and I can't understand anything she's saying. Gracie eventually howls out the understandable words: "he doesnt love me anymore".
My first instinct - go to her. I want to be there in person to offer tissues, hugs and nods and tuts as any good friend would.
...But I'm in Shelbie's car now and we're on our way to dinner.
I mouth "sorry" again to Shelbie who nods kindly and keeps driving.
For the next 20 minutes, I try to soothe a heartbroken Gracie. Things with her guy didn't go well, there was aparently a lot of shouting and arguing that afternoon - something about a dinner Gracie arranged with Dan's divorced parents which he wasn't pleased about but Gracie was just trying to bring his family together...the rest was really hard to decipher but I took Gracie's side in everything, soothed and murmured encouragement.
Shelbie pulled the car over because she was unsure what was going on. We hadn't decided on where we were going for dinner - we were just going to 'cruise' together, find a nice spot and go for it. Aware of all of this, I speak as gently as I can into my phone:
"Gracie - I am sorry but I have to hang up - just for a few minutes - I'll call you back"
Gracie misunderstood and took this to mean I didnt want to listen anymore "I'm sorry. I shouldnt have called - no one else answered their phone so I thought I'd try you...I shouldn't have. Sorry"
and she hung up before I could explain any further.
I turned to Shelbie and apologised profusely and asked if I could postpone our dinner because I wanted to go and see Gracie and comfort her in person.
Shelbie didnt just accept my apology, she offered to take me to Gracie's house.
I have the best people in my life, seriously.
I assured Shelbie that she "wasn't a taxi" and I could get myself to Gracie's. We compromised and I gratefully accepted Shelbie's offer of just taking me home (we were in the city centre at this point).
As Shelbie started her car up again, I ring Gracie...who doesn't answer. I try again and again and get disconnected.
Because Gracies last words (before she apologised for calling) were quite suicidal, I call Gracie's Mom in a panic and ask her to call Gracie
"Why? What's happened to Gracie?" Mrs Macrietta's worried voice breaks my heart
"No no - nothing's happened...she called earlier and sounded a bit 'down' - I wanted to cheer her but cant get through - maybe between the two of us, we could make her smile?"
"Good idea - I'm on it" and Mrs M hangs up.
I hope I've found a good balance between keeping Gracie's confidence (I dont know if she wanted anyone else to know about her and Dan breaking up - or even if that's a permanent thing and not just an argument that will blow over after a good sleep) and trying to make sure Gracie hasn't harmed herself by making sure someone is with her.
5 minutes later, my phone rings "I cant believe you told my Mom. Nark" Gracie sobs between words and I feel like a criminal
"No no...Gracie...you weren't answering and were talking about harming yourself...I just told your Mom you sounded a little sad...I was scared you'd hurt yourself and that's why you weren't answering - I'm sorry...I care about you so I panicked...I just wanted to help you"
"Great...now you've involved my family. Thanks a bunch" Gracie ignored my explanation and was really angry with me
"Gracie...I...It's been so long...I dont know how best to help you. I want to be there for you - I'm on my way to see you...Can I have your address? (I dont even know where Gracie lives - that's how long its been since we hung out) Can I bring you anything?"
"No. Forget it, Janet - I knew I shouldn't have called" Gracie bursts into fresh tears
"But Gracie...I just wanted to -"
"Dont come over, okay? I just want to go to bed"
I bite my lip. I dont know how to handle this. 2 years ago, I would have known just what Gracie wanted but now...I have no idea. Do I push this or let it go?
Tiny Janet shrugs and thinks I've done everything I could - Gracie's asked to be left alone, I should now respect that.
"Okay" I conceed. "I hope you feel better after a rest. I'm here if you need me"
"Pfft. Whatever. Do me a favour and call my Mom and tell her to stop calling me, ok? Bye"
and she hangs up.
Shelbie is an utter legend and gives me a second chance then and there (Oh I love you Shelbie girl!) and we go to dinner as originally planned. That's when everyone I know in the world decides to phone or text me - including "George" my Psychologist who's appointment I missed.
GRR.
The evening goes on (after my many phonecalls) without a hitch. I really enjoy my time with Shelbie. We settle on some great Chinese food and share our meals with big grins and I have a really great time.
When Shelbie drops me off at home, I feel 100 times better than I did when I started my day. Winning.
Alun greets me with a huge smile and a big hug at the front door as I go into the house.
More Winning.
When I dump my handbag on the floor and crash onto the couch, I notice something very special on the living room table:
A hand written letter - addressed to moi. In the corner, there are UK Stamps. The writing is warm, friendly and curly. That can only belong to my darling Cat.
So Much Winning!
I eagerly tear it open and 'consume' every letter, every comma, every dotted 'i' and crossed 't'. I love Cat so much and reading her words is like having her right there in the living room sharing her beautiful heart with me over a warm cup of tea.
And with that, I'll end today's blog. Cat's facebook (yes, I regularly stalk my friends. Handwritten letters are manna from heaven but in between times of 'snail mail', I like to see and know how everyone I love is going - so facebook comes in very handy) status said she had to list 5 things she couldnt live without. After listing 'tea' and 'cake' - Cat was asking for other ideas. Cheekily, I suggested "oxygen" but after some serious consideration, I pictured Cat's lovely face, beautiful auburn hair and remembered so mcuh of what makes Cat the lovely person she is - and added "warm socks, warm hugs and warm welcomes"
And that's today's blog lesson.
What/who to hang onto and who to try to let go of.
I failed again with Gracie (aaargh will I ever learn?). Gracie is a friend (is she?) that I will have to just let go of. As Gracie well knows, I'm here for her...but I've resisted the strong urge today to call and keep calling and "checking" on Gracie. I'll just leave her be. She knows I'm here if she needs me. I did text "Im thinking of you and here if you need anything" first thing this morning. It's been super hard, but I've not sent anything further and I've not called. I'm pretty proud of myself.
What I need to hang on to in my life - are the people who want to be held :) Shelbie, Cat, Lynelle, my adored UK youth, Caris, Jess, Sonya, Sue, Christine, Mary Ellen, Roz, Judith, Mrs T, Bryony, Kira, Terry and our new neighbours Amy and Troy...you are all so precious to me and I'm so thankful you're here. If you dont mind, I'll hang onto you not just with both hands, but with all my heart.
There really is nothing like warm socks, warm hugs and warm welcomes. A huge thank you to everyone in my life that provides these xx
P.S
Nikita paid back her loan - in full - first thing this morning (more winning)
To do list for the lead-up to Bali:
I need to remember to get suitcase locks, Indonesian money and a make-up case - oh, and some 'adapters' so I can use my straighteners/laptop/phone charger while on holiday
I need to ask someone at Vodaphone to put my new phone on "international roaming" before I leave
I have to call the Insurance company because my MOM didnt spell my name correctly and listed me as "Daniels" instead of "Hill" - I haven't changed my name back yet so better make sure my details match the insurance deets.
I need to call the airport tomorrow and check/re-check departure times, make sure there arent any delays.
I leave for Bali in 2 days (aargh!) and am I the least bit organised? No. No, I am not.
I havent even started packing.
Here's whats happened since I last wrote:
Shelbie and I arranged to go to dinner together last night. We arranged this weeks ago and I've been looking forward to it for ages. I love spending time with Shelbie - I can just be myself and we can catch on our favourite shows and 'gossip' about the characters and argue about our favourite people in "My Kitchen Rules".
I was in the carpark looking for Shelbie's car at 5:01pm and was excited for going for a meal with a good friend. Shelbie pulls up next to me and grins a welcome as I open the passenger door.
At the same time as I pull my seatbelt around my huge frame and beam an excited smile at Shelbie, my phone rings. I grimace in apology to Shelbie, mouth the words "Sorry about this" and answer the call.
It's Gracie.
"Hello?" I answer hesitantly - Gracie hasn't called me in over a year now.
Gracie is crying hard, sobbing and gasping in a highly upset state and I can't understand anything she's saying. Gracie eventually howls out the understandable words: "he doesnt love me anymore".
My first instinct - go to her. I want to be there in person to offer tissues, hugs and nods and tuts as any good friend would.
...But I'm in Shelbie's car now and we're on our way to dinner.
I mouth "sorry" again to Shelbie who nods kindly and keeps driving.
For the next 20 minutes, I try to soothe a heartbroken Gracie. Things with her guy didn't go well, there was aparently a lot of shouting and arguing that afternoon - something about a dinner Gracie arranged with Dan's divorced parents which he wasn't pleased about but Gracie was just trying to bring his family together...the rest was really hard to decipher but I took Gracie's side in everything, soothed and murmured encouragement.
Shelbie pulled the car over because she was unsure what was going on. We hadn't decided on where we were going for dinner - we were just going to 'cruise' together, find a nice spot and go for it. Aware of all of this, I speak as gently as I can into my phone:
"Gracie - I am sorry but I have to hang up - just for a few minutes - I'll call you back"
Gracie misunderstood and took this to mean I didnt want to listen anymore "I'm sorry. I shouldnt have called - no one else answered their phone so I thought I'd try you...I shouldn't have. Sorry"
and she hung up before I could explain any further.
I turned to Shelbie and apologised profusely and asked if I could postpone our dinner because I wanted to go and see Gracie and comfort her in person.
Shelbie didnt just accept my apology, she offered to take me to Gracie's house.
I have the best people in my life, seriously.
I assured Shelbie that she "wasn't a taxi" and I could get myself to Gracie's. We compromised and I gratefully accepted Shelbie's offer of just taking me home (we were in the city centre at this point).
As Shelbie started her car up again, I ring Gracie...who doesn't answer. I try again and again and get disconnected.
Because Gracies last words (before she apologised for calling) were quite suicidal, I call Gracie's Mom in a panic and ask her to call Gracie
"Why? What's happened to Gracie?" Mrs Macrietta's worried voice breaks my heart
"No no - nothing's happened...she called earlier and sounded a bit 'down' - I wanted to cheer her but cant get through - maybe between the two of us, we could make her smile?"
"Good idea - I'm on it" and Mrs M hangs up.
I hope I've found a good balance between keeping Gracie's confidence (I dont know if she wanted anyone else to know about her and Dan breaking up - or even if that's a permanent thing and not just an argument that will blow over after a good sleep) and trying to make sure Gracie hasn't harmed herself by making sure someone is with her.
5 minutes later, my phone rings "I cant believe you told my Mom. Nark" Gracie sobs between words and I feel like a criminal
"No no...Gracie...you weren't answering and were talking about harming yourself...I just told your Mom you sounded a little sad...I was scared you'd hurt yourself and that's why you weren't answering - I'm sorry...I care about you so I panicked...I just wanted to help you"
"Great...now you've involved my family. Thanks a bunch" Gracie ignored my explanation and was really angry with me
"Gracie...I...It's been so long...I dont know how best to help you. I want to be there for you - I'm on my way to see you...Can I have your address? (I dont even know where Gracie lives - that's how long its been since we hung out) Can I bring you anything?"
"No. Forget it, Janet - I knew I shouldn't have called" Gracie bursts into fresh tears
"But Gracie...I just wanted to -"
"Dont come over, okay? I just want to go to bed"
I bite my lip. I dont know how to handle this. 2 years ago, I would have known just what Gracie wanted but now...I have no idea. Do I push this or let it go?
Tiny Janet shrugs and thinks I've done everything I could - Gracie's asked to be left alone, I should now respect that.
"Okay" I conceed. "I hope you feel better after a rest. I'm here if you need me"
"Pfft. Whatever. Do me a favour and call my Mom and tell her to stop calling me, ok? Bye"
and she hangs up.
Shelbie is an utter legend and gives me a second chance then and there (Oh I love you Shelbie girl!) and we go to dinner as originally planned. That's when everyone I know in the world decides to phone or text me - including "George" my Psychologist who's appointment I missed.
GRR.
The evening goes on (after my many phonecalls) without a hitch. I really enjoy my time with Shelbie. We settle on some great Chinese food and share our meals with big grins and I have a really great time.
When Shelbie drops me off at home, I feel 100 times better than I did when I started my day. Winning.
Alun greets me with a huge smile and a big hug at the front door as I go into the house.
More Winning.
When I dump my handbag on the floor and crash onto the couch, I notice something very special on the living room table:
A hand written letter - addressed to moi. In the corner, there are UK Stamps. The writing is warm, friendly and curly. That can only belong to my darling Cat.
So Much Winning!
I eagerly tear it open and 'consume' every letter, every comma, every dotted 'i' and crossed 't'. I love Cat so much and reading her words is like having her right there in the living room sharing her beautiful heart with me over a warm cup of tea.
And with that, I'll end today's blog. Cat's facebook (yes, I regularly stalk my friends. Handwritten letters are manna from heaven but in between times of 'snail mail', I like to see and know how everyone I love is going - so facebook comes in very handy) status said she had to list 5 things she couldnt live without. After listing 'tea' and 'cake' - Cat was asking for other ideas. Cheekily, I suggested "oxygen" but after some serious consideration, I pictured Cat's lovely face, beautiful auburn hair and remembered so mcuh of what makes Cat the lovely person she is - and added "warm socks, warm hugs and warm welcomes"
And that's today's blog lesson.
What/who to hang onto and who to try to let go of.
I failed again with Gracie (aaargh will I ever learn?). Gracie is a friend (is she?) that I will have to just let go of. As Gracie well knows, I'm here for her...but I've resisted the strong urge today to call and keep calling and "checking" on Gracie. I'll just leave her be. She knows I'm here if she needs me. I did text "Im thinking of you and here if you need anything" first thing this morning. It's been super hard, but I've not sent anything further and I've not called. I'm pretty proud of myself.
What I need to hang on to in my life - are the people who want to be held :) Shelbie, Cat, Lynelle, my adored UK youth, Caris, Jess, Sonya, Sue, Christine, Mary Ellen, Roz, Judith, Mrs T, Bryony, Kira, Terry and our new neighbours Amy and Troy...you are all so precious to me and I'm so thankful you're here. If you dont mind, I'll hang onto you not just with both hands, but with all my heart.
There really is nothing like warm socks, warm hugs and warm welcomes. A huge thank you to everyone in my life that provides these xx
P.S
Nikita paid back her loan - in full - first thing this morning (more winning)
To do list for the lead-up to Bali:
I need to remember to get suitcase locks, Indonesian money and a make-up case - oh, and some 'adapters' so I can use my straighteners/laptop/phone charger while on holiday
I need to ask someone at Vodaphone to put my new phone on "international roaming" before I leave
I have to call the Insurance company because my MOM didnt spell my name correctly and listed me as "Daniels" instead of "Hill" - I haven't changed my name back yet so better make sure my details match the insurance deets.
I need to call the airport tomorrow and check/re-check departure times, make sure there arent any delays.
Currently, "JON DANIELS" has holiday insurance for Bali. Good for "him". I'd better bloody change this.
ReplyDeleteOh....:s but I'm so pleased that you're focusing your wonderfulness on people who can appreciate it :)
ReplyDelete