accepting my parents for who they are :)

one of the nice things about getting older is that you become much more appreciative of your parents.

When you're older, you're mature enough not to 'see your parents as the enemy' any more and to appreciate them in a new light.

When I landed in Bali that glorious day (almost a month ago - but it feels like years) and saw my parents waiting at the arrival gate, I made a decision then and there to just love them as they are. I think I'm finally starting to learn that acceptance is the key to families working. I can't change my Mom and Dad and as much as I'm sure I disappoint and worry them with my anxiety and depression - they cant change me, either...so I deliberately chose to just accept and be grateful for who they are.

I took in Dad's shiny, bald head - covered in beads of sweat from the Bali humidity, bless him. I took in his bright blue eyes, red cheeks and daggy lop-sided grin. He was in his usual 'overly bright clothing' which consisted of rainbow boardshorts and a neon blue top with "Quicksilver" scrawled across it. Dad was in thongs that were too small for him so his chapped heels hung off the back and gently touched the pavement. Dad was hopping up and down in excitement. He was stood on his tiptoes to see above the crowd. That made me smile because he's already quite tall and didn't need to do that - Indonesians are generally quite short people. Dad spotted me and his grin got so much wider. At the same time as his broad, familiar grin, his face lit up. That touched my heart and blessed me more than I expected. I really love my Dad.

I took in my Mom - as she is and not as I have yearned she would be...and loved her even more than I thought would have been possible. Mom's long, thick black hair tied up in a bun on the top of her round, happy, warm little face. Mom was wearing a crazy print on her shirt, had denim shorts on (much like the ones I was wearing) and sandals. Her beautiful filipino face was lit by something behind that I couldn't define but loved so much all the same and her arms were out wide, ready to embrace her daughter even though I was still a good 10-15 meters away. Bless.

I had a week of 24/7 blessing with both of my parents because I didnt grumble when Mom woke me at 6am. I choose to see it as the best use of my time. I could 'sleep in' at home anytime - I was only here for 6 days so making the most of every day by getting up early and going to a lavish buffet-style breakfast with my Mom was a huge advantage. Mom and Dad have taken up smoking after a wonderful 15 year gap...but I didnt judge it, I just happily sat with them in designated smoking areas in focused instead on their warmth, laughter, kindness and daggy ways which I finally admit to loving so very much. I just loved them for who they are; noisy, crazy, easily-distracted-by-shiny-things, loving, generous, kind, unpredictable selves.

My parents rock.

And things have seemed so much better in my own life because of this decision to be accepting and grateful for what is. I think a holiday with my parents has not only blessed me with the rest and dream fulfilment (yay!) I so desperately needed...but it brought us so much closer to each other and I'm so grateful.

Yesterday I went to visit Mom. I'd actually forgotten that I offered to spend the afternoon with her. I think its a "Daniels" thing...we all make a lot of grand plans but very rarely stick to them so I didn't really make an effort to remember and was surprised to find that Mom did. When Mom called to ask if I wanted lunch (we had agreed to meet at 2pm...so no, I didn't want lunch that late) I was snuggled up on the couch with Alun. We were entangled nicely under a doona, with the TV softly playing in the background and I was just reaching that lovely 'light headed - almost asleep' phase.

Because I was so comfortable, I wanted to cancel my plans but Tiny Janet reminded me that it meant a lot to Mom and to not let her down.

So I quickly showered and changed... and off I went.

Mom has 4 flights of stairs and no option of a lift. I guess that's a good thing because it ensures I get excersize every time I visit :) By the time I got to Mom's front door, I was struggling for breath and sad to find my fitness is terribly below par. I could hear Mom's radio blaring and Mom singing along to a current song release. Bless.

Smiling and feeling suddenly not so tired anymore, I knocked on the door.

Remembering our recent trip to Bali, I playfully called out "Housekeeping!"

Mom was laughing as she opened the door and welcomed me by wrapping her light brown arms around me. Mom kissed me on the cheek the way she has always done since I was a tiny child and replied "Room Service!"

and we both laughed.

Mom was in leggings and a jumper that I suspect belongs to Dad. We sat and talked easily on the couch. Mom held my hand. She does that a lot lately and I'm really blessed by it.

We have a new 'thing' now where I encourage Mom to do mischevious things. In Bali, Mom and I went shopping every day while Dad would joyfully 'opt out' and laze by the pool, reading his favourite novels. Once when Mom and I came back of an evening, I was excited to show Dad my new shoes and instead of manually shutting the hotel room's door gently behind me, I let it shut on its own. It SLAMMED shut and made a loud "BANG!".

Dad, who was in bed (at 7pm? really, Dad?) sat up with a start, blinked and yelled "What on earth?!?"

And Mom and I howled laughing.

About an hour later (Dad was soundly snoring in the background while Mom and I sat out on the balcony on sun loungers and drank fruity 'mocktails'), I told Mom I was going back to my room to watch one of the really cheap dvds I'd brought.

As I was leaving, Tiny Janet was inspired.

"Mom...let's let the door shut on its own again when I go out and make Dad jump!" I winked and Mom burst out laughing. Mom was so tickled by the idea that within seconds, she was doubled over and tears ran down her lovely cheeks.

"No way! Your Father would go nuts!"

"Do it" I persisted "In fact, (and tiny Janet was in her element now)...don't just let the door shut...but KICK it as it's shutting so it slams even harder" and with this, I did a pretend Karate kick in the air.

Mom couldn't breathe, she was laughing so hard. It is an image I hope I never forget. It was so beautiful.

"No no no" she gasped "your Dad would kill me"

"Do it! It will be fun!" I encouraged, and threw in another fierce kick.

Mom was almost horizontal on the ground laughing. I've never seen Mom laugh so much at anything so was delighted to be the instigator.

Ever since then, I make sure to come up with naughty ideas to make Mom laugh. Yesterday, I was encouraging Mom to call my brother. Jay would have been relaxing and probably out 'showing off' with his pretentious friends. He hates being called when he's 'busy' (understandably) and especially if he's interrupted without good cause.

"Do it, Mom - call Jay"

Mom laughed "No way - he hates that"

"I know!" I winked and reached for Mom's iPhone "Do it. Call him and say you don't actually want anything, you just want to tell him that you like cake"

Mom was snorting now and looked so cute that I almost pressed the telephone icon next to Jay's name.

I let Mom catch her breath, returned Mom's phone to her (which Mom instantly put behind her back, I think she was that worried that I'd actually call Jay) and walked back to the city (yeah, I'm on a health kick and trying to walk instead of catch the bus as much as I can) with a smile on my face and a light feeling in my heart xx