back at square one

"so what day would you like to leave on?" Claire asked, as she lifted her mug of hot chocolate to her lips.

I was dumbfounded and at this point all I could do was look around the Cafe. I dont even know what I was looking for. Something familiar, maybe...something to mentally grasp so that I didnt completely fall apart.

I stared at a poster of a Swedish sandwich on the wall.

Claire cleared her throat "So...?"

I looked at her and didnt really see her..."Uhh this week sometime?" I offered

Claire nodded. "Whatever suits you best and is easiest for you" she smiled sweetly.

I wanted to punch her right on her smug little face.

Long story short, I'm fired.

It's so strange because even though I've struggled with this job, I've tried my best and had no intention of leaving.

Funnily enough, in the last month or so - I actually genuinely thought I was finally doing great at this.

I havent complained, have tried to put a positive spin on things and whenever anyone has asked how I'm going with it, I offer a bright smile and say "Great!" and hope inside somewhere that the day will come along when I mean it.

A few weeks ago, though - on Monday when I came in to start my evening shift, Danelle was still at her desk and had another empty office chair beside her "This one's for you, Janet - and I'll be here with you all evening"

Even though Danelle offered a warm smile as she patted the seat beside her, alarm bells went off in my head. Ones I should have listened to.

Shrugging, I sat and just tried not to get in the way for the next 3.5 hours.

The next day, Claire stopped by the Reception desk - which again had two chairs and Danelle was again "sitting with me for the night"

"Janet - can you do full time hours for the next few weeks?"

Like an idiot, I nodded.

But every time I came in, Danelle or Kim (another receptionist) was "sitting with me"

After 3 days of this strange arrangement, I went and saw Claire. I asked why I had to had someone 'sit with me' and why my hours - and the hours of the other receptionists - had changed so much. I felt like I was being punished.

"It's because you are not doing your job properly" Claire explained. Finally. When was she ever going to say this to me? I had to come and ask after 3 days of confusion.

"Oh"

Okay. This was new. Responsible Janet decided to be a mature grown-up and seek the best out in this unfortunate surprise "I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong so I can fix it"

I was pretty proud of myself. Tiny Janet was, too. She waved her boxing gloves happily in the air. Go me!

"You need to be re-trained because you are doing everything wrong. Your policies and procedures are all confused and have taken us weeks to put right"

Huh?

"I have asked Danelle and Kim to work alongside you in the next 4-6 weeks...or maybe longer (longer?) so that their efficiency and professionalism can rub off on you. If one of them sits by you, then as you make mistakes, they can let me know and I can work out with you at a later date the best way forward"

I dont understand. While I'm continuing to make mistakes I dont know about -  you wont tell me what I'm doing wrong, you'll just take some sort of weird failure tally and "see me about it at a later date"?

How can I fix what I dont know I'm doing?

I said as much to Claire but got impatiently waved away "you should really be at Reception and not wandering around. You do too much of that already"

I do?

So that has led to 2 weeks of 12-13 hour days - PLUS travelling AND studies on top of that.

By week 2, I was exhausted. I emailed Claire "Claire, I'm really struggling with these long hours - can we please make some sort of compromise because I cant keep this up ongoing"

Claire emailed back "if you cant go on, that concerns me. We'll meet up about this on Monday"

Which is where we are today. You're all caught up.

I got into work and went to unbutton my new coat (not nearly half as good as Lydia) when Claire stopped me.

"No no - leave it on - we'll pop out for a quick chat at the coffee shop"

That in itself should have warned me something was wrong.

Claire ordered hot chocolate. Nothing for me, thank you. My stomach and worry wouldnt allow it.

"Basically Janet - you are letting the team down. Although my training has been precise and you clearly know how to do everything this role requires, your standards have dropped off (what does that mean?) and you are relying on the girls to pick up your slack and fix your messes"

Claire paused to take a sip of her drink but didnt allow me to talk because she continued on:

"you dont finish your paperwork, you always leave things on in the building when you leave which is costing us money, you seem to be constantly tired and you always complain of it being busy when nightshift is anything but. We just feel that this role is too much for you. You're not coping and you're struggling and you're being...well...a bit lazy and casual with all this. But...I dont want to bully you into leaving or make you feel like I'm having a go at you - what do you have to say about your lax attitude and letting the team down?"

My mouth opened and closed but nothing came out.

Everything Claire had just now said was WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!

I work my ASS off in this job! I work so hard! I work diligently and my work ethic is to do my very best for every minute. I come in early and leave late. I tour the building TWICE every night to MAKE SURE everything is switched off.

I dont let the team down, I often stay late just to make sure everything is ready for both girls in the morning.

This isn't right.

"I see" Claire confirmed something she'd already decided. Without consulting me.

"How do you feel about what I've just said?"

pretty sh*t, to be honest.

What reply did she expect from that?

Defeated and feeling I was being set up for a fall, I let myself down and a tear slipped down my face.

10 minutes later, "we" agreed that "it would be best" if I "left quietly" this Thursday night after I "properly" close up the building.

:(