God makes beauty from ashes

I worry a lot. You probably already know that because you're either in my life and see me worry all the time about a number of things...or you've read my blog enough to know the workings of my crazy mind and that I do worry. I spend a lot of time worrying about what will kill me. Don't cross the street until it's absolutely safe to do so Don't walk too close to the edge of the pavement Examine food closely - make sure it's okay for eating Chew properly - I don't want to choke Being home "before dark" because I'm convinced that's when most burglars/muggers/rapists will be about ...and on and on it goes. But the things that have almost 'killed' me in my tumultuous past have been the unexpected. And the 'dying' has taken years...it's not been instant...but yes, it's been painful. Like the time I dated a violent abuser. Let's call him "Gareth". What's surprising about dating ...

For goodness sake. After I blogged to you (is there anyone but my darling "Atta" reading this? It's okay if it's just you - at least I know someone is with me on this journey), I wrote the most heart-wrenching blog of my life...on a NEW blog site I created for just my eyes and no one else . I titled it "The story of my life". The first blog, was "Chapter 1"...and I wrote about being 5 years old, moving to Australia with my Mom and Step-Father (who is just "Dad" to me, he's the only Dad I've ever known) and about the scariest moment of my little girl life - when my parents brought home my little brother. That was a pivotal moment in my life - the very first crisis I faced on my own and it has shaped and altered the person I am now. I placed the blame of that crisis squarely on my Dad's shoulders. I've wanted to talk about how I felt - hurt, abandoned, passed over, replaced - for so long in my life...it was fina...

First of all, the good news: I don't have Borderline Personality Disorder. A very high-up Medical "fellow" (who was a small, black African woman - go figure?) told me I didn't have it after interviewing me for an hour at the Hospital last week. I'm more than happy to take her word for it :) It's a miracle! I'm cured! I'm sane! *happy dance* Secondly, I wanted to write about the parts of "borderline personality disorder" I could really connect with...those are the parts where a person goes completely nuts when they feel they're being rejected or abandoned. I think back on the times where I've lost my mind and my actions have been those of a crazy woman. In all those times, the common factor was that someone I loved deeply was ending the relationship with me abruptly or making a change in their lives that I wasn't going to be part of - or saying "no" to something I desperately felt I wanted/had to have. I wa...

Just for a change, I thought I'd tell you all the things about a man I find really, really sexy. These are in no particular order: - When he steers a car with the bottom of the palm of his hand - When a guy behind the steering wheel puts his hand on the back of the passenger seat while he reverses. I don't know...it's like he's putting his arm around you while keeping you safe AND reversing a vehicle. THAT IS HOT. - When a guy puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me. Ooft. - Winking. OMG. I love any wink at all; thoughtful winks, cheeky winks, winks that say "I'm right here - go for it"...I love them. SO HOT. - When a guy is great around children. Oh my word. If a guy is holding a baby with care...and smiles...I think my ovaries explode. - When a guy is fixing something around the house - When a guy is fully concentrating on something he's doing - especially if he's using a tool at the time. OH MY WORD. - I love, love, love...