God makes beauty from ashes

Today is Jay's 36th birthday. So weird because if you'd told me 2 years ago that Jay and I would part ways (his choice) and never talk to each other again (yep, his choice too), I would have giggled. It would have seemed so silly and totally insane to me. And yet. Here I am. Mom texted me yesterday: "Can you please tell your brother happy birthday tomorrow? Even if he doesn't say anything back, at least you tried" So much hurt as I read Mom's text. So much pain. So much guilt and shame and worry and stress. Also a lot of resentment. He didn't text me on my birthday, Mom. Does anyone in this family care about that ? No. I bet my parents wouldn't dare even gently suggesting that Jay text me. But with me? They ask all the time. "Please apologise to your brother, he's very upset" I'm upset too . This is a two-sided coin, Mom and Dad - don't you get that? "You've really hurt your brother - you...

*points to herself with both thumbs* Meeeeeee! Yep. So strange, because when I came out of the 11:00am interview on Monday, I had such a peace in my heart about it. It went well, we laughed together a lot, I liked my new boss *Jess and thought she was lovely. The rest of the 'team' I belong to (HR/Admin/Facilities) are really nice, too. I was daunted being interviewed by a panel of FOUR people, but I did my best and left feeling I couldn't have done it any better. 3 hours later, I was offered the 4 week placement :) The Oil and Gas Company I'm working for are looking for a PERMANENT Receptionist so hopefully this 4 weeks will turn in years and years :) And, if it's only 4 weeks, it's a great experience and will look lovely on my CV as I think I'll get a pretty good reference out of this. I didn't want to cancel 'last minute' on my 3pm interview, so I went and smashed that one later that same afternoon AND GOT OFFERED THAT JOB, TOO :...

I met my dear friend Peta for lunch the other day. "I'm unemployed!" I wailed. "Don't say it like that" Peta squeezed my arm gently "you're between jobs , Janet - not unemployed" And so I am. ...in the 'between' of jobs. The waiting and the endless applying. The smiling and answering the same interview questions again and again "What would you bring to this role? Why should we hire you?" and each time, taking a deep breath before I answer in a calm and confident tone about my years of office experience and my passion to produce a high standard of work in all that I do. And each time, sighing and trying not to take it personally when I get the "unfortunately on this occasion" emails...and they come along in their hundreds. Believe me. I should be happy, really. How long have I been complaining of being "too busy" and longing for a rest? A really long time, right? Now it seems I have all the time ...