God makes beauty from ashes

I wrote a post on Facebook a while a go (probably a few weeks ago) and deleted it because it got no 'likes' and I was convinced no one cared. Anyway, I wanted to copy it down on this blog so you'll have a glimpse inside how my mind works: (or doesn't) Simple things end up being very complicated things due to my anxiety. For instance, making a cup of soup in my mug to sip quietly at my desk during lunch time. Simple. I open the packet, pour the contents in, add boiling water, stir. Carry my mug back to my desk. DONE. This is what actually happened: I walked into the kitchen. I ripped open the soup packet. Phew. All good so far. "Hi Janet!" a male member of staff walks in and smiles as he greets me. He's unfamiliar to me, so my mind is racing - trying to place his name so I can  return his greeting. I'm now tightly gripping the packet in my hand. My palms are starting to sweat and my heart has started racing - "What is this guy's...

On Friday afternoon, Tracey was very upset. She came into work early (she always does - it gives us both time to talk and I love having her here) but even as she entered the sliding doors to Reception, I could tell she was struggling. The anger and hurt came off her in waves. Oh my. "I just feel unloved, Janet" Tracey said, angrily wiping away at her tears as she sat behind her desk and placed her handbag on the floor next to her. I'm so sorry, Tracey. "My husband doesn't talk to me, my sons are all teenagers and answer my questions with grunts...what do I do? I'm so alone. I feel so rejected and unwanted" Tracey's slender hands shook the entire time. It was as if her heartbreak was affecting her entire body. Tracey's been going through a hard time in the last few months with her husband. Then on Friday, she received news that her favourite Aunt (back in South Africa) had passed away. I think that was a sadness that pushed her o...

On my walk to work, I follow the same pattern. I always cross at the same intersection. I always walk closest to the buildings rather than the edge of the footpath near the road. When I'm walking down Adelaide Terrace, I always stop to admire the 2 massive trees on the sidewalk. They're huge. Sometimes I gently place my palm on the trunk of the first massive tree. I guess it's my way of saying " hello " to it. I always enter my work building (it's massive) along the left side of the stairs. I take little footsteps. I always greet the Security Guard on the front desk: "Morning, Diviesh" He'll answer with one or two "Morning" (s). When he answers with two: "Morning, Morning!" I know he's in a good mood. One "Morning" means he's busy so I don't stop to chat then, I just continue on to the lifts and up to Reception on the 6th floor. I guess I'm more a creature of habit than I once thought, eh? Hm...

I sat across from *George my psychologist and was struck by how dear to me he is. We've been 'working with each other' (that's what George calls it) together now for more than 2 years. 2 years with anyone is bound to build a bond. I like my bond with George. I have literally said things in that small psychology room that I would never say to anyone else. Things I sometimes didn't even realise myself. George has a kind face. His smile reminds me of my Dad. I noticed he had grown a little beard. "Going for the wise and bearded look, eh?" I joked. George chuckled, nodded and tenderly stroked his beard. I could tell he liked it. "So" George took out his diary and put it on his lap. He rarely writes in it, I think he just likes having it nearby. "How did you go with your new year's resolutions this year?" George asked. The familiar twinkle in his eye made me smile back. I hung my head. "I uh...I didn't do too ...

So it seems Alun and I have swapped personalities. Alun is now in a very deep depression. His happy mood from before didn't last long. Al is anxious all the time. Frightened. Al doesn't sleep well and rarely eats more than a few bites all day. Because the Sales Agent AND sellers call and threaten us with all manner of hell in Court costs and Court battles...now whenever either of our phones go off, Alun jumps. Seeing Alun so ill at ease breaks my heart. The baddies are winning. Alun and I are exhausted. But apart from being physically tired, I'm filled with God's strength and power and I'm OK. I'm not scared . Not one bit. I know this strength is from God because I'm not a strong person. I usually fall apart but this time, I'm PISSED OFF and FULL OF FIRE. While I've got this strength, I'm liaising with the lawyer, I'm emailing, researching, learning more about real-estate law, making calls, keeping the house tidy, making sure A...

I read that quote a long time ago and something deep in my spirit said quietly "yes". When things go wrong, God still IS. He is good and He is faithful no matter what. That's what I have had to hold on to, through this trial with the stupid house Alun and I are buying. From day one, I've felt uneasy about the house sale. 2 months in, and we've discovered we've been the victims of fraud, lies, harassment, bullying and all manner of heartache. I've cried and worried every night since we signed the original contract earlier in October. Thankfully, Alun and I have come to breaking point. It took until 3 days before the Final Settlement - but at least we got there. It all kicked off when we arranged to meet face to face with the buyers. At this point, settlement was 2 weeks away. Because the contract had been changed (AARGGHHHH!!!) to allow the sellers to live in OUR house for the next year, Alun and I had become instant and very unwilling, un-knowi...

Feeling a bit low, I texted Pete "Hey Pete - do you have a few moments for a chat? Can I call you?" I put my phone in my pocket, got distracted by a gust of wind that mussed up my hair and hinted a cold kiss on my cheeks...and thought nothing more of it. ...Until about an hour later, when my phone rang and Pete's beloved name flashed up on the screen. Smiling, I swiped across to 'answer' and held the phone to my ear. Pete's warm voice down the line made me instantly feel comforted. "How do you manage to you get yourself into such a tangle?" Pete scolded, lovingly. "Who, me?" I asked, settling back into the sofa and making myself comfortable "No no - not you, Janet - the dogs. I thought I'd call you while I take the 2 dogs for a walk. They're so little - but they're a handful. They run around in circles - No! Don't eat that grass! Wait! Yuck - let's get that all out of your mouth. Why do you always eat ...