God makes beauty from ashes

K guys, These are the friends I love who I KNOW for SURE read this blog of mine: Becci Christabel Sammy F I think Marc reads it...he's possibly gotten fed up with my bollocks and stopped. But is there anyone else??? Please let me know because I want to send you a personal 'thank you' for hanging in there with me. Becci - you can expect a basket of goodies to arrive at your door next week. From me with love. No, it's not a card and I'm sorry I lied about that. If you really want a card, I will send you one. I have your address now :) haha. Sammy - you WILL get a card from me sometime next week. But you'll also get a little bouquet of flowers. I hope you'll love them as much as I love hearing from you. Christabel - you should arrive home to a bouquet of flowers from me today. After a long day of work with your sore tooth, I hope these will cheer you up. I love you so much and you are not alone in what you're going through. Marc - I ...

Hello there, Darling. You and I probably contact each other even more than Alun and I do, but I still wanted to write a blog today, just for you. This is my way of 'speaking to you in love' the way you always do for me. Are you ready? I know you've read a load of books and probably talked to a load of people to get wisdom and advice on your break up but I thought I'd add my "5 steps to get through a breakup" to get you through until you can see light again at the end of the tunnel. This is from my personal experience and I hope it blesses you. That's the plan, anyway. 1. You're grieving, so you'll go through stages of wanting X back, hating X with the passion of a 1000 suns, being angry and wanting to shout at him, being sad because all the happy memories will hurt...and so on. Grief isn't linear so you don't pass all 7 stages of grief one by one, come to the end, cross the finish line and you're done - no . You'll bounce ba...

"How far away are you?" Alun asked over the phone. I could hear his smile and it made me smile, too. "Hmm...maybe a few minutes. I'm glad you called because I'm a bit lost...where on earth is Dirty Nellies???" Alun laughed "It's on a little hidden lane way...where abouts are you?" "Across from the Mantra hotel" "Then you're almost here, keep walking forward and take the next left, it's a little laneway and that's where the pub is" "I'll come get you!" I heard Mom's voice sing out. Alun laughed "She'll be here in a second" he assured her. "No. I'm going" and I heard the scrape of chairs and Alun's chuckle. "Haha. See you soon, Gorg" and he hung up. It was a 40 degree day so I was glad at the thought of respite in a dark, air-conditioned pub in just a few minutes. I walked and walked, wondering if somehow I'd missed the "little lan...

I don't know why I've applied for this job permanently, because I hate being here. Actually, it is a fairly good job. It has it's ebbs and flows of 60 people all needing reception while the phone is ringing and emails are popping up steadily in my reception inbox...and then times of nothing where I can thankfully get on with work. It's sitting next to "Amos" that drives me insane. I don't know what job is worth the incredible amount of stress this puts me under every single day. If I didn't have a job, I'd want one with all my heart. When I'm in a job, I long for a week off. I must make God shake his head with wanting the opposite of what He gives me and complaining every time He tries to bless me. You're not alone in this, Lord God. I shake my head at myself, too. I would like to be poor and happy in the woods and as far away from "Amos" as possible, please.

I don't mean that romantically, by the way. I really believe everyone has 1 or more of these love languages: Words : being spoken to, written to lovingly - the opposite - being talked to harshly, told off, yelled at or written to in harsh words can break your heart Touch : Being held, touched, gentle squeeze of your hand etc...very nice. The opposite - absolutely horrible. Time : Spending time together with the ones you love. If this is your love language, you like doing activities (cycling, picnics, camping, hiking etc) with the people you love most. Gifts : Giving or receiving gifts is something that just makes your day. Acts of service : If you're in pain/upset/struggling and someone comes by to do the dishes for you, tidy around you, sends you pizza so you don't have to cook dinner, folds your laundry - you are in heaven and this is what you do for others if you think they need some encouragement/love Mine is words. So when I'm down, if you text, email...

My appointment with George was a little better yesterday. The front gate wasn't locked and the front screen door was propped open. I didn't have to ring the doorbell. George appeared with his familiar smile that bunches up his cheeks. "Hey you - come on in" Ok. This was a bit better. We both sat in his black leather chairs facing each other. We talked. George drew on the whiteboard again. He stuck to the book in his manner with me and his advice was professional and very clinical. George tends to go off on a tangent and when I'm in a better frame of mind than I am now, I recognise it quickly and I tell him off "George.  LISTEN  to me". He'll laugh "Oops. Sorry!" and we'll get back on track. Yesterday I just let him meander off the track. I really needed to talk to him about my fear, anxiety and depression. I really needed some help sorting through the tangle of emotions in my mind and heart. George passed over this and s...

Okay. I'll try another run at this. Have you ever leaned back in your chair and leaned that bit too far and almost toppled over? But then you caught yourself in time and stopped it? That panicked "OMG" feeling - that rush of fear? Normally people feel it for just a few seconds. I feel it ALL. THE. TIME. That "OH CRAP" feeling? It is AWFUL and I go about my day constantly on edge . I thought breaking up with a boy was painful and complicated. So is breaking up with a Psychologist . George has suddenly stopped texting me stupid cartoons, gardening advice, pictures of his tomatoes and Monty Python quotes. When I was obsessed in the last month with suicide, I texted George for help. In the past, he's called me immediately: "Are you ok? Can you get to a hospital? What can I do?" This time, his text read " I am fully booked for the next 4 weeks. I don't need to remind you about all the emergency services and help lines available,...