Hello there, Darling.
You and I probably contact each other even more than Alun and I do, but I still wanted to write a blog today, just for you. This is my way of 'speaking to you in love' the way you always do for me.
Are you ready?
I know you've read a load of books and probably talked to a load of people to get wisdom and advice on your break up but I thought I'd add my "5 steps to get through a breakup" to get you through until you can see light again at the end of the tunnel. This is from my personal experience and I hope it blesses you. That's the plan, anyway.
1. You're grieving, so you'll go through stages of wanting X back, hating X with the passion of a 1000 suns, being angry and wanting to shout at him, being sad because all the happy memories will hurt...and so on. Grief isn't linear so you don't pass all 7 stages of grief one by one, come to the end, cross the finish line and you're done - no. You'll bounce back and forth between 'bargaining" (If I only did "xyz" then we wouldn't have broken up/if I could only...then I'd get him back" and anger (How f*cking dare you, man?!?) to sadness (I really, really, really, really, REALLY miss you, I want you back so badly).
This is normal. Completely normal. You are not going nuts, you are hurting.
So step 1 is to just accept what is.
It is what it is.
You're okay to hurt, nothing you could have done differently would change what IS right now so try to (as "George" would say) "hold that feeling, accept it, look at it, acknowledge it and learn day by day to be okay with it".
I'm so sorry this is breaking your heart and I promise I'm hurting right alongside you.
2. Be gentle with yourself.
Please be kind to yourself. Drink lots of water (God knows you'll need it from dehydrating from all the crying). Eat foods that are good for you. Eat some that aren't. Watch movies you love, listen to music you love, be around people that you love - as much as possible. Or not. Whatever makes you most comfortable - do that. Do the things you love to do. Read books (I know you love reading, Bella), talk on the phone to people who make you laugh despite that lump in your throat. Go on long walks, take long, luxurious baths, light candles, drive Nick crazy...whatever you want to do, do that.
3. DO NOT PHONE HIM.
I know. You just want to hear his voice again. I know. I know how badly you miss him and how much that X-shaped hole in your heart longs to be filled again (shut up, Marc), but don't do it because I guarantee (from a LIFETIME of experience) it will only make things worse. So much worse. If you're really struggling, set up a 'phone buddy' that you can call instead of calling him.
4. Cry as MUCH as you want to.
Don't let ANYONE tell you "Get over it, already" because there are only TWO people in the whole world that know what went on in your relationship - you and X. That's all. Because of that, no one else will know how you feel, how badly you're hurting or how much time it will take to be able to think of X without crying. That is up to you so don't let anyone else put a timeline on your sadness. As we are getting in the habit of saying to each other now - YOU DO YOU, Christabel. You do you. If you want to cry about it for a year, then you do that. Obviously I hate to see you so sad and I hope and pray that this sadness will pass quickly, but only you can know when you'll be ready to smile again. So take that time and learn to be okay with it. Learn to TAKE TIME as YOU need it and you recover at YOUR PACE, darling.
5. Talk about it.
I know. I complain about how many people's advice you seek out but I'm learning that's just you doing you, and I need to be more compassionate about that. I would rather you talk to 100 people than to keep that pain secretly inside yourself where it eats away at you and can destroy you. If you feel like it's getting out of control (the sadness of the break up), then I encourage you to see your GP and get some professional help as well as surround yourself with help and good listeners in the form of your friends.
You have so many people who love you. Gather them around you and talk as much as you want about what you're going through because it will help to get it off your chest.
Okay.
That's my big 5.
I'll probably text you on the way home, as well.
Sigh.
You and I probably contact each other even more than Alun and I do, but I still wanted to write a blog today, just for you. This is my way of 'speaking to you in love' the way you always do for me.
Are you ready?
I know you've read a load of books and probably talked to a load of people to get wisdom and advice on your break up but I thought I'd add my "5 steps to get through a breakup" to get you through until you can see light again at the end of the tunnel. This is from my personal experience and I hope it blesses you. That's the plan, anyway.
1. You're grieving, so you'll go through stages of wanting X back, hating X with the passion of a 1000 suns, being angry and wanting to shout at him, being sad because all the happy memories will hurt...and so on. Grief isn't linear so you don't pass all 7 stages of grief one by one, come to the end, cross the finish line and you're done - no. You'll bounce back and forth between 'bargaining" (If I only did "xyz" then we wouldn't have broken up/if I could only...then I'd get him back" and anger (How f*cking dare you, man?!?) to sadness (I really, really, really, really, REALLY miss you, I want you back so badly).
This is normal. Completely normal. You are not going nuts, you are hurting.
So step 1 is to just accept what is.
It is what it is.
You're okay to hurt, nothing you could have done differently would change what IS right now so try to (as "George" would say) "hold that feeling, accept it, look at it, acknowledge it and learn day by day to be okay with it".
I'm so sorry this is breaking your heart and I promise I'm hurting right alongside you.
2. Be gentle with yourself.
Please be kind to yourself. Drink lots of water (God knows you'll need it from dehydrating from all the crying). Eat foods that are good for you. Eat some that aren't. Watch movies you love, listen to music you love, be around people that you love - as much as possible. Or not. Whatever makes you most comfortable - do that. Do the things you love to do. Read books (I know you love reading, Bella), talk on the phone to people who make you laugh despite that lump in your throat. Go on long walks, take long, luxurious baths, light candles, drive Nick crazy...whatever you want to do, do that.
3. DO NOT PHONE HIM.
I know. You just want to hear his voice again. I know. I know how badly you miss him and how much that X-shaped hole in your heart longs to be filled again (shut up, Marc), but don't do it because I guarantee (from a LIFETIME of experience) it will only make things worse. So much worse. If you're really struggling, set up a 'phone buddy' that you can call instead of calling him.
4. Cry as MUCH as you want to.
Don't let ANYONE tell you "Get over it, already" because there are only TWO people in the whole world that know what went on in your relationship - you and X. That's all. Because of that, no one else will know how you feel, how badly you're hurting or how much time it will take to be able to think of X without crying. That is up to you so don't let anyone else put a timeline on your sadness. As we are getting in the habit of saying to each other now - YOU DO YOU, Christabel. You do you. If you want to cry about it for a year, then you do that. Obviously I hate to see you so sad and I hope and pray that this sadness will pass quickly, but only you can know when you'll be ready to smile again. So take that time and learn to be okay with it. Learn to TAKE TIME as YOU need it and you recover at YOUR PACE, darling.
5. Talk about it.
I know. I complain about how many people's advice you seek out but I'm learning that's just you doing you, and I need to be more compassionate about that. I would rather you talk to 100 people than to keep that pain secretly inside yourself where it eats away at you and can destroy you. If you feel like it's getting out of control (the sadness of the break up), then I encourage you to see your GP and get some professional help as well as surround yourself with help and good listeners in the form of your friends.
You have so many people who love you. Gather them around you and talk as much as you want about what you're going through because it will help to get it off your chest.
Okay.
That's my big 5.
I'll probably text you on the way home, as well.
Sigh.
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