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still in my pjs

I cant believe how stupid and pathetic this is going to sound...but getting dressed seems too hard to do today.

I had plans for today...I really did:

* head to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour
* go to the library and post my weekly tasks in advance so I can have 2 weeks off work AND 2 weeks off studying
* apply for a few 'data input' jobs online and just start getting my new updated CV out there
* (sheepish now)...update my CV
* Call "Anglicare" and make an appointment for counselling with them - I get 6 'free' appointments through work a year and Renae, the HR Manager at Diabetes WA emailed me a link and recommended I go see them while I'm struggling. She was really lovely and gentle about it in her email. I'm so blessed.
* Call Louise Tottino - the psychologist I had a year ago after my accident. As I recall, she was practical and helpful and a great source of advice back then - I am really in need of some professional help...my white flag is up - I give in and know I cant get through this on my own any more :(
* look up places to head to for the weekend with Alun. He's booked his time off and suggested a few places and is excited for taking me away somewhere to help me rest. I am so blessed to have someone so thoughtful. When Alun dropped me off at Mom's this morning, he asked me to look up places and prices so he knows what to plan for

What I actually did:

Turned my computer on
read facebook posts through blurry eyes
thought about making breakfast but didnt follow through
Im still in the clothes I wore yesterday - and look like sh*t (literally...I look and feel so ugly - how did Alun put up with this, honestly?) and havent showered and just dont care about my appearance right now
I called Anglicare - my appointment is in 10 days from now - that's the fastest they could do
I called Louise Tottino and left a shakey message on her answering machine

...And Im spent. I'm exhausted.

I know I should shower and change. I know I should go to the gym and to the library.

But I try to lift my arms and they're too heavy.

My feet wont move.

My eyes just stare but arent taking anything in.

it's 11:00am and I've done NOTHING.

I hate this. I really hate this :(

Comments

  1. LynelleFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:27 AM

    You got out of bed and made two phone calls. That's not too bad! (says me - the last time I was sick with Crohns, I went through a stage where I called a day successful if I checked the mailbox and sat outside for a while). It doesn't matter if you don't save the world everyday - just so long as you keep getting out of bed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Little J xxFebruary 8, 2011 at 6:49 AM

    You had a very serious illness, Darling. Im just lazy so dont have an excuse for doing nothing. I'd be lost without you. Keep your amazing posts coming - you mean the world to me xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. LynelleFebruary 10, 2011 at 12:15 AM

    Depression isn't lazy! You'll come through it & there'll be a brighter day ahead.

    ReplyDelete

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