God makes beauty from ashes

I sat across from *George my psychologist and was struck by how dear to me he is. We've been 'working with each other' (that's what George calls it) together now for more than 2 years. 2 years with anyone is bound to build a bond. I like my bond with George. I have literally said things in that small psychology room that I would never say to anyone else. Things I sometimes didn't even realise myself. George has a kind face. His smile reminds me of my Dad. I noticed he had grown a little beard. "Going for the wise and bearded look, eh?" I joked. George chuckled, nodded and tenderly stroked his beard. I could tell he liked it. "So" George took out his diary and put it on his lap. He rarely writes in it, I think he just likes having it nearby. "How did you go with your new year's resolutions this year?" George asked. The familiar twinkle in his eye made me smile back. I hung my head. "I uh...I didn't do too ...

So it seems Alun and I have swapped personalities. Alun is now in a very deep depression. His happy mood from before didn't last long. Al is anxious all the time. Frightened. Al doesn't sleep well and rarely eats more than a few bites all day. Because the Sales Agent AND sellers call and threaten us with all manner of hell in Court costs and Court battles...now whenever either of our phones go off, Alun jumps. Seeing Alun so ill at ease breaks my heart. The baddies are winning. Alun and I are exhausted. But apart from being physically tired, I'm filled with God's strength and power and I'm OK. I'm not scared . Not one bit. I know this strength is from God because I'm not a strong person. I usually fall apart but this time, I'm PISSED OFF and FULL OF FIRE. While I've got this strength, I'm liaising with the lawyer, I'm emailing, researching, learning more about real-estate law, making calls, keeping the house tidy, making sure A...

I read that quote a long time ago and something deep in my spirit said quietly "yes". When things go wrong, God still IS. He is good and He is faithful no matter what. That's what I have had to hold on to, through this trial with the stupid house Alun and I are buying. From day one, I've felt uneasy about the house sale. 2 months in, and we've discovered we've been the victims of fraud, lies, harassment, bullying and all manner of heartache. I've cried and worried every night since we signed the original contract earlier in October. Thankfully, Alun and I have come to breaking point. It took until 3 days before the Final Settlement - but at least we got there. It all kicked off when we arranged to meet face to face with the buyers. At this point, settlement was 2 weeks away. Because the contract had been changed (AARGGHHHH!!!) to allow the sellers to live in OUR house for the next year, Alun and I had become instant and very unwilling, un-knowi...

Feeling a bit low, I texted Pete "Hey Pete - do you have a few moments for a chat? Can I call you?" I put my phone in my pocket, got distracted by a gust of wind that mussed up my hair and hinted a cold kiss on my cheeks...and thought nothing more of it. ...Until about an hour later, when my phone rang and Pete's beloved name flashed up on the screen. Smiling, I swiped across to 'answer' and held the phone to my ear. Pete's warm voice down the line made me instantly feel comforted. "How do you manage to you get yourself into such a tangle?" Pete scolded, lovingly. "Who, me?" I asked, settling back into the sofa and making myself comfortable "No no - not you, Janet - the dogs. I thought I'd call you while I take the 2 dogs for a walk. They're so little - but they're a handful. They run around in circles - No! Don't eat that grass! Wait! Yuck - let's get that all out of your mouth. Why do you always eat ...

This depression is unfounded, not based on anything, unexpected...and absolutely knackering. It's physically exhausting to be this unhappy and empty. I can't believe how much sleep I require just to get through the day. I sleep all the time but feel so very tired anyway. What worries me is that my emotions right now are hard to manage or control because I don't know from one minute to the next how I'm going to feel. When I'm at home with Alun pottering about in the kitchen...I'm okay. I'm usually in bed with the doona cover over my head...or on the couch just staring at the wall wondering what's become of me in short a time span...but I'm "ok" The minute anything else happens, however - I'm not good. For instance, my friend Amy rang yesterday. My phone's ringtone went off and I saw Amy's familiar name flash up on the screen. I was surprised to feel dread. Absolute dread. Why was I reacting like this? I love Amy! ...

*George opens the door between the waiting room and the hallway leading to different psychologists' offices. His face lights up and he raises his eyebrows. That's George's standard greeting. That's his way of saying "Hey there, Janet - come on in" My standard response is to roll my eyes. The same way a teenager does at their beloved Dad/Uncle. I get up from my seat and am usually turning my phone off. "Facebook?" George will enquire with a wink "Yes. Switching it off now, sorry" I will apologise in response. And so it has been. For almost 2 years now. Maybe longer. I've felt a lot better in the last 6 months, so our appointments have been monthly and more of a check up than anything huge. I've even missed a few because I was too busy enjoying life. Not this time, though. Whenever we enter George's room, I re-arrange it. I set the two chairs so they are facing each other. I straighten the tablecloth which is alw...