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low in iron...and self esteem

I'm a pretty blessed girl. I have a psych and a Doctor who have watched over me in the past 5-6 years and they work together to make sure I'm cared for both physically, mentally and emotionally.

"George" said my mood was very low and I told him about being really suicidal. He said he worried it seemed to come from "nowhere" and that I always knew my brother was a jerk - so why it was bothering so much now worried him, too. George recommended I see Dr D about getting my blood tested as he said if my iron was low - then my depression would be high - and vice versa.

Hmm.

So Dr Downey tested my blood and called 2 days later to say my iron and 'red blood cell count' was very low (should I be concerned about the red blood cells? aren't they like...vital...or something?) and asked me to come straight in for an iron infusion.

So now hopefully I'll start to feel better.

Because right now, I still feel crappy.

I saw Mom on Christmas eve-eve and gave her the gifts for her and for Dad from Alun and I. NO GIFTS FOR JAY AND KATE.

I'm doing okay with this.

Mom hugged me tight and messaged me "Love you, Merry Christmas" on Christmas day. Dad called. He was pretty drunk and ranted and raved about me not eating properly and that's why my iron was low, blah blah blah...but at least he didn't tell me off about Jay.

I've seen that Kate has 'unfriended' me on Facebook.

Walk the line, JD.

I texted Jay "happy Christmas, Jay and Kate - hope you both have a wonderful day xx"

No response.

Walk the line, JD.

Kate has always been distant and wary of me anyway so I don't need her to be friends with me.

I just get hurt deeply when I'm around my brother so I don't need him to respond to my texts.

Walk the line.

That's all I can do from this day forward - walk the line.

When my iron/red blood cells are up to normal and my depression is more manageable, my self esteem should rise a little, too...and it will hopefully (God willing) be easier to walk the line more and more each day.

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