Yesterday, Alun and I rented out the movie "SULLY" and settled in together to watch it in the living room. I think there's something very special about a couple that have been together a long time and are in love because the way they move together and interact physically is really beautiful. Alun has 'his' side of the couch, I have 'mine'...but we're always touching somehow. Whether our legs are intertwined, or Alun is sat upright and I lay across him or we both find random, weird ways of both laying down at the same time on the couch and we watch a movie wrapped up in each other.
Anyway, yesterday we put 'Sully' into the dvd player.
As the film started, I was convinced it was going to be another "America saves the day" movie and that it would be about the actual plane crash-landing in the Hudson river. I thought the movie would focus on the flight, the passengers and of course the Pilot and airline staff and would go over how they managed the situation and how awesome they all were.
"Yay! We're American and we're so fabulous!"
Surprisingly, the film touched very briefly on the plane crash/landing - and more so on what happened afterwards.
What happened was that a committee/board of some kind questioned the merits of the Pilot, Captain Sullivan (or Sulliman???) and seriously doubted his abilities. Instead of thanking him for saving a flight full of people, they wanted to dig into any mistakes he made. They wanted to take away his flying license if he had done anything untoward during the flight/crash.
Can you imagine?
Of course, my personal hackles went up. I was instantly protective of the character Sully because I saw myself in him - a person who inherently has a heart for people and someone who did their best to keep people safe.
Not that reception is a job that keeps people safe by any measures, but I strongly related to his heart - his heart for people.
To see him torn down and questioned relentlessly by what I viewed as a cold, uncaring panel of strangers - for something actually really wonderful that he had done - really got to me.
Who were they to question him? Wasn't the whole point that he did his best, successfully landed the plane in conditions that were extremely difficult - and saved every 'soul' on board?
I don't know. Because my iron is low and my depression is high...I'm taking a lot more to heart than I would.
In my mind, I felt as if I'd been "Sully" many times in my life...where I tried my best to do a good thing with genuine altruism behind it...and had been questioned, put down...and put to shame over it.
I remembered being bullied as a young girl.
I remembered when 'girl groups' had ganged up on me and made me feel...inadequate and ashamed
I remembered all the arguments I've had with my parents growing up where I was never allowed a say - I just had to accept that I was wrong and they were right.
I remembered arguments with friends where the same things happened - they told me how crap I was and I nodded and agreed "yes. yes I am crap"
I remember everything Beth had done to me - and how I had just let her.
I remembered every job I've been fired from. Every one of them unfair. Every one of them a moment of utter shame and embarrassment.
And what linked all these memories and unfolded in the movie we were watching - was that self doubt can be very powerful.
If you don't believe in yourself - then when you come up against people who want to tear you apart, you're an easy target.
Sully faced doubt. In the movie, he looks back onto his recent actions and decisions with the plane landing and wonders "Did I do the right thing? Could I have done it any better?"
I bit my lip and clenched my hands as I watched, relating with my very being to those same thoughts and feelings.
"Did I do enough?"
Towards the end of the movie (sorry about these spoilers you guys), the judging panel tells Sully and his co-pilot that they asked other pilots to 'run the same experience' through a test simulation of the crash...and that each and every pilot successfully turned the plane around to the nearest airport and landed without a hint of trouble.
Well...f*ck.
That's a lot of evidence against a Captain right there.
How had these other pilots been so successful?
In times like that in my life, this is the part where I've just given up. I've completely given in. I've hung my head, accepted the full blame and felt ashamed to be me. I've agreed with whatever 'the panel' have said and I've apologised.
What I love about this film is that Sully didn't give up. He didn't accept the blame they were trying to cast onto him. He stood up for himself. He asked questions. Good ones.
What he found out by reminding the panel that the 'human element' was missing from the electronic/computerised simulations and by asking the panel how long each 'test pilot' had to consider the outcome, test different scenarios etc...
...is that each "successful pilot" was warned ahead of time what to expect. They were given information that at the time Sully and his co-pilot had no idea about. The panel also admitted to letting each 'test pilot' TRY THE SIMULATION UP TO 17 TIMES before they finished with successful landings in the nearest airport.
Sully asked for new pilots to be brought in, for the simulation to be completely secret/a surprise to them - and that the new pilots would not be pre-warned about what was to come - they had to act purely on instinct, just as he and his co-pilot had to.
Each and every test pilot then FAILED. Dramatically. Some slammed into nearby buildings so that the death rate would have been amongst the tens of thousands.
NONE landed the plane without destroying it and killing everyone on board.
Alun and I fist-pumped and jumped around happily together on the couch. We were both so happy for Sully.
And I learnt a very valuable lesson in my own life.
Yes, there are many, many times where I'm truly in the wrong. I accept it and I apologise. Every time.
But there have also been many, many times - where I've been right, too. But I let other's railroad me. They come at me with so much jargon and confusion that I end up feeling lost, frightened and overwhelmed. I give in. I accept the blame. I don't question it and I don't stand up for what I know to be right. What I know to be true.
This movie taught me that in these situations:
I won't let others judge me when they clearly haven't been in my shoes; they didn't experience what I experienced and what might look 'easy' for them was at the time for me - very difficult.
I will stick up for myself when I know I honestly did everything I could; and I did it with the right motives.
I will be cynical - I will question what bullies, bosses, managers, 'friends' tell me I did wrong - because maybe - just maybe - they're not completely right about it.
And finally - I will make a conscious effort to trust in my own worth. Trust in my judgements. Trust in my knowledge. Trust in the good person I know for 100% sure that I am.
I'm going to buy a copy of "Sully".
It's a bloody good movie.
Anyway, yesterday we put 'Sully' into the dvd player.
As the film started, I was convinced it was going to be another "America saves the day" movie and that it would be about the actual plane crash-landing in the Hudson river. I thought the movie would focus on the flight, the passengers and of course the Pilot and airline staff and would go over how they managed the situation and how awesome they all were.
"Yay! We're American and we're so fabulous!"
Surprisingly, the film touched very briefly on the plane crash/landing - and more so on what happened afterwards.
What happened was that a committee/board of some kind questioned the merits of the Pilot, Captain Sullivan (or Sulliman???) and seriously doubted his abilities. Instead of thanking him for saving a flight full of people, they wanted to dig into any mistakes he made. They wanted to take away his flying license if he had done anything untoward during the flight/crash.
Can you imagine?
Of course, my personal hackles went up. I was instantly protective of the character Sully because I saw myself in him - a person who inherently has a heart for people and someone who did their best to keep people safe.
Not that reception is a job that keeps people safe by any measures, but I strongly related to his heart - his heart for people.
To see him torn down and questioned relentlessly by what I viewed as a cold, uncaring panel of strangers - for something actually really wonderful that he had done - really got to me.
Who were they to question him? Wasn't the whole point that he did his best, successfully landed the plane in conditions that were extremely difficult - and saved every 'soul' on board?
I don't know. Because my iron is low and my depression is high...I'm taking a lot more to heart than I would.
In my mind, I felt as if I'd been "Sully" many times in my life...where I tried my best to do a good thing with genuine altruism behind it...and had been questioned, put down...and put to shame over it.
I remembered being bullied as a young girl.
I remembered when 'girl groups' had ganged up on me and made me feel...inadequate and ashamed
I remembered all the arguments I've had with my parents growing up where I was never allowed a say - I just had to accept that I was wrong and they were right.
I remembered arguments with friends where the same things happened - they told me how crap I was and I nodded and agreed "yes. yes I am crap"
I remember everything Beth had done to me - and how I had just let her.
I remembered every job I've been fired from. Every one of them unfair. Every one of them a moment of utter shame and embarrassment.
And what linked all these memories and unfolded in the movie we were watching - was that self doubt can be very powerful.
If you don't believe in yourself - then when you come up against people who want to tear you apart, you're an easy target.
Sully faced doubt. In the movie, he looks back onto his recent actions and decisions with the plane landing and wonders "Did I do the right thing? Could I have done it any better?"
I bit my lip and clenched my hands as I watched, relating with my very being to those same thoughts and feelings.
"Did I do enough?"
Towards the end of the movie (sorry about these spoilers you guys), the judging panel tells Sully and his co-pilot that they asked other pilots to 'run the same experience' through a test simulation of the crash...and that each and every pilot successfully turned the plane around to the nearest airport and landed without a hint of trouble.
Well...f*ck.
That's a lot of evidence against a Captain right there.
How had these other pilots been so successful?
In times like that in my life, this is the part where I've just given up. I've completely given in. I've hung my head, accepted the full blame and felt ashamed to be me. I've agreed with whatever 'the panel' have said and I've apologised.
What I love about this film is that Sully didn't give up. He didn't accept the blame they were trying to cast onto him. He stood up for himself. He asked questions. Good ones.
What he found out by reminding the panel that the 'human element' was missing from the electronic/computerised simulations and by asking the panel how long each 'test pilot' had to consider the outcome, test different scenarios etc...
...is that each "successful pilot" was warned ahead of time what to expect. They were given information that at the time Sully and his co-pilot had no idea about. The panel also admitted to letting each 'test pilot' TRY THE SIMULATION UP TO 17 TIMES before they finished with successful landings in the nearest airport.
Sully asked for new pilots to be brought in, for the simulation to be completely secret/a surprise to them - and that the new pilots would not be pre-warned about what was to come - they had to act purely on instinct, just as he and his co-pilot had to.
Each and every test pilot then FAILED. Dramatically. Some slammed into nearby buildings so that the death rate would have been amongst the tens of thousands.
NONE landed the plane without destroying it and killing everyone on board.
Alun and I fist-pumped and jumped around happily together on the couch. We were both so happy for Sully.
And I learnt a very valuable lesson in my own life.
Yes, there are many, many times where I'm truly in the wrong. I accept it and I apologise. Every time.
But there have also been many, many times - where I've been right, too. But I let other's railroad me. They come at me with so much jargon and confusion that I end up feeling lost, frightened and overwhelmed. I give in. I accept the blame. I don't question it and I don't stand up for what I know to be right. What I know to be true.
This movie taught me that in these situations:
I won't let others judge me when they clearly haven't been in my shoes; they didn't experience what I experienced and what might look 'easy' for them was at the time for me - very difficult.
I will stick up for myself when I know I honestly did everything I could; and I did it with the right motives.
I will be cynical - I will question what bullies, bosses, managers, 'friends' tell me I did wrong - because maybe - just maybe - they're not completely right about it.
And finally - I will make a conscious effort to trust in my own worth. Trust in my judgements. Trust in my knowledge. Trust in the good person I know for 100% sure that I am.
I'm going to buy a copy of "Sully".
It's a bloody good movie.
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