Half an hour left of my shift at work and I can't wait to go home.
I'm MEANT to be going to the gym and taking my interval training from running for 3 minutes at a time to running for 4 minutes...but really, I just want to get donuts, get home and go to bed. I want to put my favourite pjs on, roll myself into a ball and just lay there until the ladypains stop.
For now, though - I thought I'd write :)
I'm loving my job. One of the best things about working here are the cool people I work with. Hamid is getting used to me and because we're becoming 'real friends', he's being a lot more sassy with me. I asked him my 'one question' today (what was his favourite chocolate - snickers, God bless him) and when I wanted to ask another, he shook his head firmly "Janet - you are just wasting time" (in his awesome Dracular accent and voice) "Get back to work and stop asking questions"
Oh!
Haha.
"Bossy" I replied, sticking my tongue out.
He chuckled and his eyes twinkled but he pretended to wave me away "Be off with you - stop distracting me from my work"
Okaaayyyy.
My other friends are Cat (she's so warm, lovely and sweet. I think Cat is 50 this year but still looks like a little girl), Tara (she sits on the desk right by mine and I get to hear her grumble softly at her computer "being so sh*t" every day. Haha), Ima (she's absolutely gorgeous - my height, but about 30 kilos lighter with thick, lushious long dark hair, a gorgeous face (Ima never wears makeup but just looks like she does) and a laugh that is throaty and sooo sexy. I wish my laugh was like that), Melissa (I think Mel is about 45 so I think she's closest in age to me - Tara and Ima are both just so young) Jil - who I've named "LLF" (life long friend) because we both get along so well and Aurelie - who's a new Mom and is 34. Aurelie is French and has the best accent. She's my height too, thinner (arggghhh) and sooo cute. She has bright blue eyes that twinkle, she winks and smiles whenever she says something (so cute) and she has blonde hair and a little pixie face. Aurelie has a lot of wisdom and is very 'straight down the line' - probably a lot like my friend Sanlina is...but slightly more gentle. Haha.
Anyway, I mention the friends I've made because whenever I'm not in the office by 8:00am sharp in the mornings, ALL of them text me "Are you ok?" "Just checking in on you cos you're not here yet" "Hey you - how's it going? Are you coming into work today?" "You're missing from your desk - are you alright?" and oh my gosh, I love it so much. I know that I know that I know that if ANYTHING were to happen to me and I didn't come to work - it would be noticed. Quickly. That is really, really special to me.
I'm worried about missing something on the 'wife' front, though...and by that, I mean that over the weekend, Alun raised an issue with me three times. You have no idea how rare it is for my husband to open up to me and talk to me - let alone repeat himself - and for Alun to say the same thing three times and I still don't get it...well, there's definitely a problem. On the first ocassion, Alun sat close to me. His gorgeous dark brows were knitted in a frown "My uni mates have asked me to meet with them for a drink"
Ok?
This didn't strike me as odd, Alun has so many friends.
"I don't want to go, though" he said, biting his lip.
My husband is very rarely nervous or unsure so red flags should have gone up at this point. I was distracted and busy so I didn't think too much about it.
"Ok Gorg" I said "Then don't go"
Easy. Solved.
Right?
"They were good friends 4 years ago" Alun continued (also weird because Alun generally doesn't like to hash over something) "but since I got attacked in the city, they weren't there for me. They're not real friends. I don't want to see them"
Still distracted (I was probably eating and watching tv), I nodded.
"Then you don't need to go" I felt pleased - quickly solving a problem. My attention back to whatever show was on.
"But..." Alun lingered. He doesn't do that.
"But?" I asked, not really caring (I know...I'm a terrible wife)
"But I don't know how to get out of going...I can't think of a good enough excuse"
Again, this should have raised warning flags with me. In my experience of my cheeky Welshman, he has no problems just saying 'no' if he doesn't want to do something. No explanation required.
So why was he now so worried? This just wasn't like Al at all.
"You don't need to give an excuse, Gorg" I said, frowning at whatever I was watching "Just say "can't this time, maybe next time - hope you all have fun" or something like that"
"Yeah, I could...but..." Alun looked so uncertain.
I was impatient. Uncaring.
"But nothing. Just say no, Gorg. No big deal"
And I forgot all about it.
But Alun didn't...because later that afternoon, he brought it up again.
We were sitting on a beach in Rotto (it was so beautiful) and I was admiring how the water sparkled on it's surface. Like tiny stars were all through it.
"I wish we could stay overnight" Alun said quietly.
"Me too" I smiled and leaned back against the warm, white sand. This was glorious.
"Because then, I could tell my Uni friends I'm not in the city and I would have an excuse not to go and see them" Alun said, seeming to wait nervously for my response.
"Are you still worried about that?" I asked.
"Not worried...just..."
I didn't let Alun finish. I was having a great time in the sun and selfishly I didn't want to talk about Alun's friends. I wrapped my arms around him.
"Come for a swim"
And so we did.
Then that evening, Alun came to bed. He clambered in next to me and sighed.
"I just got a reply from Kerri" he said.
One of his Uni friends.
"Ok?" I asked, inviting him to say more but not really listening because I was falling asleep.
"I texted that I wasn't coming to see them and I've deleted them all from my facebook. When Kerri got my message that I didn't want to see them - she just text back the letter 'K'...I'm not sure how to feel about that"
I yawned.
"You don't need them, Gorg. They're just wollies"
I closed my eyes and nestled into Alun.
"But..."
and that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.
I know that I've missed something here. Something important. I know that it's not 'usual' for Alun to worry and for him to bring something up wtih me 3 times - that means it's important. He desperately wants to discuss something. He deseparately needs something from me but I was selfish and stupid and missed it.
What did I miss?
The next day, Alun was fine. I checked in on him through text "hey...you ok?" and he rang and said "I'm fine - why?" so I asked about later that evening - was he going to be okay just staying home with me and hanging out rather than meeting his friends.
"Sure thing" Al assured "You're much better company anyway. Haha"
But he didn't sound convinced.
I'm sure I've missed something crucial here.
I just don't know what.
I'm MEANT to be going to the gym and taking my interval training from running for 3 minutes at a time to running for 4 minutes...but really, I just want to get donuts, get home and go to bed. I want to put my favourite pjs on, roll myself into a ball and just lay there until the ladypains stop.
For now, though - I thought I'd write :)
I'm loving my job. One of the best things about working here are the cool people I work with. Hamid is getting used to me and because we're becoming 'real friends', he's being a lot more sassy with me. I asked him my 'one question' today (what was his favourite chocolate - snickers, God bless him) and when I wanted to ask another, he shook his head firmly "Janet - you are just wasting time" (in his awesome Dracular accent and voice) "Get back to work and stop asking questions"
Oh!
Haha.
"Bossy" I replied, sticking my tongue out.
He chuckled and his eyes twinkled but he pretended to wave me away "Be off with you - stop distracting me from my work"
Okaaayyyy.
My other friends are Cat (she's so warm, lovely and sweet. I think Cat is 50 this year but still looks like a little girl), Tara (she sits on the desk right by mine and I get to hear her grumble softly at her computer "being so sh*t" every day. Haha), Ima (she's absolutely gorgeous - my height, but about 30 kilos lighter with thick, lushious long dark hair, a gorgeous face (Ima never wears makeup but just looks like she does) and a laugh that is throaty and sooo sexy. I wish my laugh was like that), Melissa (I think Mel is about 45 so I think she's closest in age to me - Tara and Ima are both just so young) Jil - who I've named "LLF" (life long friend) because we both get along so well and Aurelie - who's a new Mom and is 34. Aurelie is French and has the best accent. She's my height too, thinner (arggghhh) and sooo cute. She has bright blue eyes that twinkle, she winks and smiles whenever she says something (so cute) and she has blonde hair and a little pixie face. Aurelie has a lot of wisdom and is very 'straight down the line' - probably a lot like my friend Sanlina is...but slightly more gentle. Haha.
Anyway, I mention the friends I've made because whenever I'm not in the office by 8:00am sharp in the mornings, ALL of them text me "Are you ok?" "Just checking in on you cos you're not here yet" "Hey you - how's it going? Are you coming into work today?" "You're missing from your desk - are you alright?" and oh my gosh, I love it so much. I know that I know that I know that if ANYTHING were to happen to me and I didn't come to work - it would be noticed. Quickly. That is really, really special to me.
I'm worried about missing something on the 'wife' front, though...and by that, I mean that over the weekend, Alun raised an issue with me three times. You have no idea how rare it is for my husband to open up to me and talk to me - let alone repeat himself - and for Alun to say the same thing three times and I still don't get it...well, there's definitely a problem. On the first ocassion, Alun sat close to me. His gorgeous dark brows were knitted in a frown "My uni mates have asked me to meet with them for a drink"
Ok?
This didn't strike me as odd, Alun has so many friends.
"I don't want to go, though" he said, biting his lip.
My husband is very rarely nervous or unsure so red flags should have gone up at this point. I was distracted and busy so I didn't think too much about it.
"Ok Gorg" I said "Then don't go"
Easy. Solved.
Right?
"They were good friends 4 years ago" Alun continued (also weird because Alun generally doesn't like to hash over something) "but since I got attacked in the city, they weren't there for me. They're not real friends. I don't want to see them"
Still distracted (I was probably eating and watching tv), I nodded.
"Then you don't need to go" I felt pleased - quickly solving a problem. My attention back to whatever show was on.
"But..." Alun lingered. He doesn't do that.
"But?" I asked, not really caring (I know...I'm a terrible wife)
"But I don't know how to get out of going...I can't think of a good enough excuse"
Again, this should have raised warning flags with me. In my experience of my cheeky Welshman, he has no problems just saying 'no' if he doesn't want to do something. No explanation required.
So why was he now so worried? This just wasn't like Al at all.
"You don't need to give an excuse, Gorg" I said, frowning at whatever I was watching "Just say "can't this time, maybe next time - hope you all have fun" or something like that"
"Yeah, I could...but..." Alun looked so uncertain.
I was impatient. Uncaring.
"But nothing. Just say no, Gorg. No big deal"
And I forgot all about it.
But Alun didn't...because later that afternoon, he brought it up again.
We were sitting on a beach in Rotto (it was so beautiful) and I was admiring how the water sparkled on it's surface. Like tiny stars were all through it.
"I wish we could stay overnight" Alun said quietly.
"Me too" I smiled and leaned back against the warm, white sand. This was glorious.
"Because then, I could tell my Uni friends I'm not in the city and I would have an excuse not to go and see them" Alun said, seeming to wait nervously for my response.
"Are you still worried about that?" I asked.
"Not worried...just..."
I didn't let Alun finish. I was having a great time in the sun and selfishly I didn't want to talk about Alun's friends. I wrapped my arms around him.
"Come for a swim"
And so we did.
Then that evening, Alun came to bed. He clambered in next to me and sighed.
"I just got a reply from Kerri" he said.
One of his Uni friends.
"Ok?" I asked, inviting him to say more but not really listening because I was falling asleep.
"I texted that I wasn't coming to see them and I've deleted them all from my facebook. When Kerri got my message that I didn't want to see them - she just text back the letter 'K'...I'm not sure how to feel about that"
I yawned.
"You don't need them, Gorg. They're just wollies"
I closed my eyes and nestled into Alun.
"But..."
and that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.
I know that I've missed something here. Something important. I know that it's not 'usual' for Alun to worry and for him to bring something up wtih me 3 times - that means it's important. He desperately wants to discuss something. He deseparately needs something from me but I was selfish and stupid and missed it.
What did I miss?
The next day, Alun was fine. I checked in on him through text "hey...you ok?" and he rang and said "I'm fine - why?" so I asked about later that evening - was he going to be okay just staying home with me and hanging out rather than meeting his friends.
"Sure thing" Al assured "You're much better company anyway. Haha"
But he didn't sound convinced.
I'm sure I've missed something crucial here.
I just don't know what.
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