Skip to main content

ok then

Jay didn't respond to my text, you guys.

I don't think he ever will again, to be honest.

And yet a shiny, golden part of my heart always wants to try - wants to hold on and not let go.

But it hurts! It hurts me terribly when Jay ignores me. I checked my phone constantly after messaging Jay about Dad's birthday and felt heartbroken whenever I looked because he'd not texted back.

I guess I knew all along he's done with me but I had to try - for Dad, I had to try.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

best $270.00 I've ever spent, honestly :)

Now that I've written that, I can remember other things I've loved spending HUGE amounts on: * the first time I got my hair chemically straightened :) * when I bought Jon a "year's pass" to the movies - he loved that gift more than anything else I've ever given him * any time I give Mom 'board money' because she's always so grateful and seeing her smile is a blessing anyway *sigh* back to the point... ...today I'm writing to you from a Travelodge Hotel Room. I know...not the most amazing Hotel - but you wouldnt believe how nice my room is. It's a "deluxe suite" and is big, comfortable, pretty and best of all *big smile* it's airconditioned!!! OH YEAH!!! In this horrid, dry and yet super humid Perth heat...being able to sleep to the hum of a working and LOVELY air conditioner is definitely worth the money I've paid. Here's what lead to this: My anxiety began with coming home to find the carpet pulled up, m...
4 comments
Read more

and then, we move on...

Sometimes moving on can be so hard. I remember last year when I got "released" from hospital. The fear of leaving that safe trauma ward was awful. I hated thinking "oh God...now I'll be on my own and I still cant walk"...but you know what? we move on. We move on from petty fights with friends, from stupid family things, from broken hearts and crap days and we hope for better things. Im blessed because I'm experiencing those 'better things' right now, actually. Think about it, Im at work (so Im thankful for a job), I have the world's most amazing people as my friends (seriously, all my friends are worth their weight in gold) I have a safe home, lots of food and money... and I have an amazing boyfriend. Alun met up with me yesterday at the Royal on a sunny, warm Perth day. He had something in a huge shopping bag and held it out to me with an excited grin "OMG Janet - open it, you're gonna LOVE it!" and the smile on his face r...
4 comments
Read more

10...and then 5 :)

Yeah I can tell Im getting better because even though things are tough right now and Im sad and a bit fed up and weary...I still have hope :) I cant help it, it's who I am. I got an email from "Sandy" today. I really care about her and I look up to her and will probably read her email again when im less tired from a long day and it will make more sense...but for now, what I think she was trying to say to me was to take a bit more ownership of my life and to stop asking God to fix it all...or something like that...and I want you to know, Sandy - Im taking ownership of it and doing it ALL myself...but I believe in God and I believe that he hears me and so Im taking EVERYTHING to Him and just asking for some direction on this. I'll email you personally about about that another day. Thanks for always being there for me. I keep trying and failing and falling, then getting excited about something new and getting back up. Im on a very strange path just now and although...
5 comments
Read more