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Trying

Right.

So I go on a 20 minute walk EVERY DAY because EVERYONE says exercise is important.

I listen to my friends, look after Alun and water the garden every day because EVERYONE says it's important to care for something other than myself.

I try hard to cut back on salty/sugary/fatty foods and I'm pretty rubbish at it but every day, I try.

I take my stupid anti-depressants every day.

The hospital sends me on random psych/GP appointments every few days and each time it's with a NEW PERSON so I have to start from square one again and again and again.

"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Janet. I'm 42...yes, I've been suffering with suicidal ideation just lately and could really use some help"

That psych nods and goes through my very thin file. It's thin because PSYCHS KEEP LOSING IT and having to start over again.

THIS INFURIATES ME.

I go to my GP appointments and pay a FORTUNE each time to get ignored.

I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW THAT I'M SHAKING.

WHY IS IT UP TO ME TO KEEP CHASING PROFESSIONAL PEOPLE AND REMINDING THEM HOW TO HELP ME?

Today I tried a new psychologist of my OWN choosing. Actually not my own, this psych was highly recommended by my new GP - I FINALLY found one I like (Thank you, Lord).

When she mentioned "tapping" (touching 'main points' of your body) which would "completely heal me of depression" she lost me. I can't bring my problems to you, you're nuttier than I am.

I obviously can't go back to "George" so it's up to ME to keep looking. To keep searching. TO KEEP GOING when every fibre of my being just wants to quit.

Why is it that the person who hates me most is the one responsible for my well being?

WHY?

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