My parents have "been together" for 38 years. And I used "been together" very loosely because in all those years, about 28 of them has been incredibly rocky. My parents have screamed, shouted, threatened and hurt each other more than I thought anyone could. They've constantly split up and gotten back together. Every time they split up, we had to move house and I had to ferry my younger brother between two homes and make it seem like an adventure "Yay!Sleepover at Dad's!" so he could live a basically normal life.
On one of their MANY break ups, my parents each got a new partner. Mom went out with this Dutch guy and to this day I don't know his name because I called him "Meathead". He was like a well-meaning ogre who rode a motorbike.
Anyway, when Mom starting "seeing" Meathead, she and I got into a huge fight about how she was never home (she wasn't) and Mom decided to leave us altogether.
I was in my late teens so Jay would have been in his early teens and we weren't old enough yet to suddenly have to fend for ourselves. When Mom blazed out of the house that evening, I was completely lost.
What do I do?
How do I take care of myself and my little brother?
I had never learned to cook because cooking was Mom's passion so she made all the meals and if Mom was on a nightshift, Dad would make sandwiches or we'd order pizza. I looked and there was no bread so sandwiches were out of the question. I didn't have any money so we couldn't order in.
How to cook a meal?
I saw some lamb chops in the freezer and thought of all the times I'd walked past the kitchen and seen Mom cooking.
There was always a pan involved, sizzling and Mom humming.
I put a pan on the stove top and eventually figured out how to get the gas plates to light up.
Okay. I'm doing it. Go me.
I added the frozen (yep) lamb chops and there was definitely sizzle.
Something wasn't quite right but I couldn't put my finger on it at the time.
The chops popped and sizzled and stuck to the pan because I hadn't known to add oil.
I ended up burning the lamb chops and I think that night Jay and I had corn kernels from the tin for dinner.
That was the first time I cooked anything in my life.
So there you have it - a glimpse of why I'm such a f**ked up person.
I do know how to cook now, by the way.
I make a mean spaghetti Bolognese...just saying.
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