33...woah

Yep.

Im a year older. I have actually had a really great birthday and got really spoiled and loved and cherished and blessed. Father God you are so good to me. Thank you. I have just now read all my facebook posts for my birthday and I feel awed by the sheer amount of people who love me. Im floored by it, blessed by it and touched beyond belief by it. WOW. I spent the evening with my besties at Sizzler and loved it. It was a 'quiet' birthday, but one full of love. Awesome.

So right now I'm looking at myself and wondering what's next. Where do I go from here? A year ago my life was SO DIFFERENT. So much can change in a year. Right now...NOTHING in my life is the same. I am not even CLOSE to being the person I used to be. Not even close.

*sighs* tonight...I've got 'boyce avenue' on in the background, I have my fingers ready at these familiar keys and I'm taking time to look back over my life and think "Right...what have I learned in this past year of my life?"

Indulge me, guys....This is it:

I have learnt that laughing solves almost anything and is such a great release

I have learnt that there is so much power and strength in a hug from someone who really loves you

I have learnt that a good friend (or if you're truly blessed like I am - a whole bunch of them) can make your world a brighter, better, beautiful place

I have learnt that when you make a mistake...you have to:

Apologise - and mean it with every fibre of your being
Do your very best each and every day to fix what you broke/whoever you hurt
You have to learn from it and you have to promise yourself you wont do it again. Ever again.
You have to own (in my case, accept full responsibility for) and accept the pain and hurt you've caused

BUT with this; comes the revelation that...

You also have to cut yourself some slack
You have to remind yourself that actually, everyone f*cks up once in a while
You have to choose at some point to dust it off - let it roll off your shoulder - what's done is done
and lastly, you have to draw a line under it, let it go...and move on

I have learnt that 'home' can be anywhere. I have found it in a good friend's kitchen, on the bow of a boat as it cruises up the river, in the embrace of a beloved friend, when I open a letter and know someone was thinking of me when they wrote it, whenever I hear Mom snoring in the room next to me, whenever I'm on stage with a microphone in my hand and get those amazing tingles down my spine and all through my stomach, ESPECIALLY when I'm worshipping and lost in the awesome presence of the Lord...and yeah...whenever I hear Jon's voice.

I have learnt that saying "yes" can change your life - in any number of ways - but you wont know how until you say it

I have learnt that choices you make TODAY have to be paid for - in full - tomorrow
(and sometimes, that cost is too high)

I have learnt to be still in God

I have learnt that Courage is sometimes sitting quietly and waiting on God when all you want to do is RUN

I have learnt the art of listening - not just to what a person says but to what they're doing, what their eyes are telling you and to what their heart is whispering

I have learnt to appreciate: sleeping on my side, showering without a time-consuming 'de-bandaging' rigmarole, sitting cross legged, walking without crutches and being completely pain free and noticing it...and loving every second

The list of the people seeing me COMPLETELY STARK NAKED has gone from 1...to about 30 because I was so ill and needed help showering, toileting and dressing...but every one of those ppl made it less 'shameful' and I will love them always for their kindness. When you're naked...its all out there...what someone chooses to do with that can either make you or break you. Luckily for me, my best friends were champions about this. Thank you, God.

I have learnt that when God answers prayer, He does it in ways that will blow your mind, leave you breathless, leave you with tears streaming down your face and with less burdens on your heart. God really hears. He really does.

I have learnt to slow the f*ck down. Not everything needs to be done RIGHT THIS SECOND and it's OKAY to say "you know what? I can do that TOMORROW"

I have learnt not to procrastinate *winks*

I have learnt to take Library books back on time

I have learnt to value my friends because they are each worth their weight in gold. And more.

I have learnt that I cant please everyone all the time. All I CAN do, actually, is my best and if thats not good enough...then it doesnt matter. What DOES matter is what God thinks of me and He seems to think Im pretty brilliant (not sure why)

I have learnt that Im stronger than I could have ever imagined

I have learnt that I am actually pretty awesome :)

I have learnt that when you cry...your heart hurts...but sometimes that hurt can be eased when someone holds you and just lets you sob

I have learnt that I love unexpected phonecalls...especially at 1am from guys called P who sing you "happy birthday" with an awkward shyness to their voice that melts your heart

I have learnt that its better to take a chance than to wonder forever afterwards "what if?"

I have learnt the value of having someone to come home to...its indescribably comforting

And lastly...I have learnt that I am 33 years old, a bit lost, very crazy...but all in all...a really good person. I hope always for the best, plan for the worst, believe in the goodness of people in general and am a dreamer. I make decisions with my heart and not my head and dont think that will change any time soon but Im okay with that because that's who I am.

Deal with it :)

Goodnight bloggers. Thanks for sharing my 33rd birthday with me xx