You'd never guess I was talking about my shower, would you?
But yeah...I am. I really am. I had a long day at work today, made a fool of myself several times on Mike's poor answering machine (I swear to God if that boy ever calls me again, he's obviously the one meant for me because I wouldnt call me back, I crossed over to "crazy stalker" level today. Wish I could take it back), and had the phonecall of a lifetime with Jon.
After I hung up from the phone-call that changed my life - I went to shower. Stripping off not just my clothes, but guilt, shame, worry and fear with my tatty old things and I stepped into the shower, letting the water...and the memories...slide right off me.
The THING is...the shower didn't behave very well. It never bloody does. I think the water system favours every other flat in this building so that whenever someone uses their taps or flushes the toilet, Mom's shower goes from a gorgeous warm/hot temperature to FREEZING within seconds.
Life's like that, I think...the second you feel comfortable, something changes and changes so drastically it sometimes catches your breath because it happens so fast and is so shocking you dont know whether to laugh or cry, really.
Today was just like that.
For instance, I never thought that today:
I would forget that I was ever in an accident and Justin would have to call and remind me that he was out at Trevor's farm this evening and saw the pole and the damage my HEAD did to it. I cant help but smile proudly at that - my very own head bent and broke a concrete pole! WOAH!
I would consider Mike to be more than 'just a fling' because what he thinks matters. A lot. I dont know where that came from, but its here and you know what? I dont mind it. Not one bit. I do mind that I keep glancing at my phone and hoping his ringtone will sound off. I keep hoping he'll text or call but nothing yet. I really do think I've scared him away! I hope I have better news for you on tomorrow's blog! *crosses fingers*
I would walk into my job, do it - WELL - and not even think twice about it. It came as easily as taking a deep breath but today, I SHONE, you guys. I really dazzled. Even if no one noticed, I did and God did and that's what counts.
That Jon would actually TAKE MY CALL (he hasn't done that in over a year) and that one phonecall that lasted roughly 45 minutes would change my life so much. But it did. We talked - REALLY talked - for the first time since it all blew up...and we're both okay. We're both moving on, we're both stronger and better for it. Jon has someone he is thinking to date - and he's really relieved that I feel similar about Mike. We're happy for each other and there for each other and I never thought this day would come, but it's here and guess what? Jon and I have survived and now a real friendship can begin.
Its the beginning of an end and its heartbreaking - heart shattering - but also something that HAD to be done and Im just glad that at the end of it, we both said "goodbye" but in that was a real embrace, a real love, a real wish for good things for each other and an AWESOME foundation for a friendship that's going to rock this very ground. A friendship that's gonna push the envelope, surprise everyone (esp J and I! Ha!) and a friendship that's gonna last longer than most marriages. Its exciting and I cant wait to see it grow and blossom.
Ive said this in previous blogs and Im gonna say it again: I wonder what kind of flower this will be?
I already know it's gonna be something beautiful.
I said something to Jon tonight that I never thought I'd hear myself say. I said "if I died tonight, I'd go with a grateful smile because I couldn't imagine my life getting any better than this right now"
This is why:
My parents are happy. I got to spend the weekend just gone with them and I loved seeing Mom and Dad so happy, carefree and at ease. I liked hearing their natural and familiar banter as they talked on the balcony and I loved seeing how made-to-be they both were. I loved walking hand in hand with them (a bit weirder than you'd think at 33 years of age, but I did it anyway).
Jay and Bec are happy and well. Every time I see Bec, I'm envious because she truly is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my life. I am so blessed that they are both so successful and smart and funny and down right "cool"...they are both amazing. Bec and I are still doing a very careful 'dance' around each other and things are a little awkward, but I try often to link my arm through Bec's or to nudge her or wink or laugh and make sure she knows she's included and loved, very much, by me. One day we'll be on better terms. I cant see us ever being as close as we used to be, but I can already see HUGE improvement from where we WERE and for that, Im so thankful to God.
OMG, Jay and I actually watched "astro boy" together on the couch and I was transported back by about 20 years. We werent fighting or being cold or awkward or indifferent, we were back - just for that hour - to being a big sister and kid brother who laughed at the same jokes, 'got' each other and shared some cookies while watching a show we BOTH loved. I got my little brother back for that hour. Best hour of my life. Really. Especially when Jay and I were eating 'tee vee snacks' - Jay reached for the packet, took out a biscuit and without taking his eyes off the screen, offered the box to me. I know, it was a simple guesture...but it meant SO MUCH and I keep thinking about it even now and thinking "some things dont change" and you know what? Im glad they dont. No matter how old Jay gets, he'll still be my baby brother. I love him so much. He is my favourite person in the whole world.
Im FAT and Im not looking great, but I must still be pretty SLAMMIN' because I have guys in my life that are amazing. ALOT of them! They're really great guys! I have narrowed the 13 down to just 2 now: Patrick and Mike. What they have in common is that they are both really tall, extremely handsome, dead smart, super successful and they want to spend time with me! Its amazing, humbling, scary, FUN and exciting and I am enjoying every moment. I love kissing/being kissed by Mike. I love that last night when he gave me the "last kiss now because I REALLY have to go" he walked 3 steps, turned around and held me tight and gave me a kiss that curled my toes and both broke and melted my heart. I looked up into his amazing eyes and felt like I could walk on clouds. I really like this guy. I also love that when I 'really need to talk' Patrick is the first to call and when I was sick just lately with a really bad tummy bug, Patrick was genuinely concerned and wanted to look after me. He's pretty special. They both are.
I have a great job and although im HORRIBLE with money and pretty broke just now - I can still get up every morning and have purpose in my life cos I have a desk with MY NAME on the phoneline, MY pictures of my beloved 'besties' up, my junk food all over the surface of the desk *giggles* and people who stop by to talk all through the day who lift me up, make me laugh and help build my confidence.
I could call about 10 really good friends right now - and any one of them would make time for me. The friends I have in my life right now are the BEST friends a girl could ever wish for. Im really REALLY blessed by the besties I have in my life. Thank you, God. Thank you yet again.
Yeah, I'll still do mundane things like pay bills, trip over NOTHING in the road (i have a bad habit of this), I'll still p*ss people off, hurt the ones I love the most, ask for too much, offer too little and basically be a complete tool - but it will be mixed in with some INCREDIBLE moments and days where I laugh so much my belly aches.
I also imagine either having kids or preparing to have them in 5 year's time. I'd really like that.
Right...off to bed for now.
I'll write you more tomorrow. Goodnight Bloggers! Peace out, yo! xx
But yeah...I am. I really am. I had a long day at work today, made a fool of myself several times on Mike's poor answering machine (I swear to God if that boy ever calls me again, he's obviously the one meant for me because I wouldnt call me back, I crossed over to "crazy stalker" level today. Wish I could take it back), and had the phonecall of a lifetime with Jon.
After I hung up from the phone-call that changed my life - I went to shower. Stripping off not just my clothes, but guilt, shame, worry and fear with my tatty old things and I stepped into the shower, letting the water...and the memories...slide right off me.
The THING is...the shower didn't behave very well. It never bloody does. I think the water system favours every other flat in this building so that whenever someone uses their taps or flushes the toilet, Mom's shower goes from a gorgeous warm/hot temperature to FREEZING within seconds.
Life's like that, I think...the second you feel comfortable, something changes and changes so drastically it sometimes catches your breath because it happens so fast and is so shocking you dont know whether to laugh or cry, really.
Today was just like that.
For instance, I never thought that today:
I would forget that I was ever in an accident and Justin would have to call and remind me that he was out at Trevor's farm this evening and saw the pole and the damage my HEAD did to it. I cant help but smile proudly at that - my very own head bent and broke a concrete pole! WOAH!
I would consider Mike to be more than 'just a fling' because what he thinks matters. A lot. I dont know where that came from, but its here and you know what? I dont mind it. Not one bit. I do mind that I keep glancing at my phone and hoping his ringtone will sound off. I keep hoping he'll text or call but nothing yet. I really do think I've scared him away! I hope I have better news for you on tomorrow's blog! *crosses fingers*
I would walk into my job, do it - WELL - and not even think twice about it. It came as easily as taking a deep breath but today, I SHONE, you guys. I really dazzled. Even if no one noticed, I did and God did and that's what counts.
That Jon would actually TAKE MY CALL (he hasn't done that in over a year) and that one phonecall that lasted roughly 45 minutes would change my life so much. But it did. We talked - REALLY talked - for the first time since it all blew up...and we're both okay. We're both moving on, we're both stronger and better for it. Jon has someone he is thinking to date - and he's really relieved that I feel similar about Mike. We're happy for each other and there for each other and I never thought this day would come, but it's here and guess what? Jon and I have survived and now a real friendship can begin.
Its the beginning of an end and its heartbreaking - heart shattering - but also something that HAD to be done and Im just glad that at the end of it, we both said "goodbye" but in that was a real embrace, a real love, a real wish for good things for each other and an AWESOME foundation for a friendship that's going to rock this very ground. A friendship that's gonna push the envelope, surprise everyone (esp J and I! Ha!) and a friendship that's gonna last longer than most marriages. Its exciting and I cant wait to see it grow and blossom.
Ive said this in previous blogs and Im gonna say it again: I wonder what kind of flower this will be?
I already know it's gonna be something beautiful.
I said something to Jon tonight that I never thought I'd hear myself say. I said "if I died tonight, I'd go with a grateful smile because I couldn't imagine my life getting any better than this right now"
This is why:
My parents are happy. I got to spend the weekend just gone with them and I loved seeing Mom and Dad so happy, carefree and at ease. I liked hearing their natural and familiar banter as they talked on the balcony and I loved seeing how made-to-be they both were. I loved walking hand in hand with them (a bit weirder than you'd think at 33 years of age, but I did it anyway).
Jay and Bec are happy and well. Every time I see Bec, I'm envious because she truly is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my life. I am so blessed that they are both so successful and smart and funny and down right "cool"...they are both amazing. Bec and I are still doing a very careful 'dance' around each other and things are a little awkward, but I try often to link my arm through Bec's or to nudge her or wink or laugh and make sure she knows she's included and loved, very much, by me. One day we'll be on better terms. I cant see us ever being as close as we used to be, but I can already see HUGE improvement from where we WERE and for that, Im so thankful to God.
OMG, Jay and I actually watched "astro boy" together on the couch and I was transported back by about 20 years. We werent fighting or being cold or awkward or indifferent, we were back - just for that hour - to being a big sister and kid brother who laughed at the same jokes, 'got' each other and shared some cookies while watching a show we BOTH loved. I got my little brother back for that hour. Best hour of my life. Really. Especially when Jay and I were eating 'tee vee snacks' - Jay reached for the packet, took out a biscuit and without taking his eyes off the screen, offered the box to me. I know, it was a simple guesture...but it meant SO MUCH and I keep thinking about it even now and thinking "some things dont change" and you know what? Im glad they dont. No matter how old Jay gets, he'll still be my baby brother. I love him so much. He is my favourite person in the whole world.
Im FAT and Im not looking great, but I must still be pretty SLAMMIN' because I have guys in my life that are amazing. ALOT of them! They're really great guys! I have narrowed the 13 down to just 2 now: Patrick and Mike. What they have in common is that they are both really tall, extremely handsome, dead smart, super successful and they want to spend time with me! Its amazing, humbling, scary, FUN and exciting and I am enjoying every moment. I love kissing/being kissed by Mike. I love that last night when he gave me the "last kiss now because I REALLY have to go" he walked 3 steps, turned around and held me tight and gave me a kiss that curled my toes and both broke and melted my heart. I looked up into his amazing eyes and felt like I could walk on clouds. I really like this guy. I also love that when I 'really need to talk' Patrick is the first to call and when I was sick just lately with a really bad tummy bug, Patrick was genuinely concerned and wanted to look after me. He's pretty special. They both are.
I have a great job and although im HORRIBLE with money and pretty broke just now - I can still get up every morning and have purpose in my life cos I have a desk with MY NAME on the phoneline, MY pictures of my beloved 'besties' up, my junk food all over the surface of the desk *giggles* and people who stop by to talk all through the day who lift me up, make me laugh and help build my confidence.
I could call about 10 really good friends right now - and any one of them would make time for me. The friends I have in my life right now are the BEST friends a girl could ever wish for. Im really REALLY blessed by the besties I have in my life. Thank you, God. Thank you yet again.
Yeah, I'll still do mundane things like pay bills, trip over NOTHING in the road (i have a bad habit of this), I'll still p*ss people off, hurt the ones I love the most, ask for too much, offer too little and basically be a complete tool - but it will be mixed in with some INCREDIBLE moments and days where I laugh so much my belly aches.
I also imagine either having kids or preparing to have them in 5 year's time. I'd really like that.
Right...off to bed for now.
I'll write you more tomorrow. Goodnight Bloggers! Peace out, yo! xx
Mike called :) about 10 minutes after I finished this blog, he called. He'd gone to the pub with his mates and left his phone at home. Everything's FINE. Good night xx
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