Skip to main content

for those I love who've lost their mojo

Mojo.

I don't know how to describe it, but I think we all have  sense of what it means. To me, it's like your inner spark...the beautiful shiney part of your soul that is the best part of why you are who you are.

Mojo.

Sometimes, we can lose it.

Life throws some huge-ass waves at us and it knocks our confidence. It takes away that sense of "I can do anything" and it makes us worry we're just not enough.

That's who I'm writing today's blog for.

For you.

The beautiful girl who lost her mojo.

Firstly, I want to say that this isn't the end. This isn't how you will always be or how you will always feel.

Because things will get better. One of my favourite Bible verses is "This too shall pass" because I have experienced - as you will have - some pretty rotten things in life...but we survive them, don't we? We get through them somehow. I believe 100% that God carries us through them.We might come out battered, bruised and bent at odd angles at the end of the pain, loss, trauma, heartache, loneliness, rejection...whatever it is that broke us...but there is an end to it. I want you to know that. There will be an end to the suffering you're going through. You don't have your confidence now and you don't think much of yourself...but that will change.

You will be fearless again one day. I just know it.

Secondly, I want to tell you that you're loved...and you're not alone in this.

When confidence gets knocked, I don't know about you - but I start to question my worth in terms of how alone I am. I start to think "who even cares that I feel the way I feel?" and I start to believe - genuinely believe - that no one cares. That I'm alone. That there is something definitely wrong with me. I start having a go at myself.

If that's where you are right now, I want to assure you that even though it will feel like you really are alone, you aren't. There is someone on this earth that cares very much about you. That worries about you and loves you and wants to protect you from anything that could hurt you. In this case right now - it's me. Because you've touched my heart enough that I'm writing this blog for you.

You are not alone.
You matter so greatly, you have no idea.
There is nothing wrong with you.

Thirdly (is 'thirdly' even a word?), it's okay to feel the way you do.

I think we live in a society where it's not okay to say "actually, I feel like sh*t and I don't want to do anything but watch Netflix and eat an extraordinary amount of junk food". We feel like we can't ask for help. We think we need to do everything all the time with a giant smile on our faces.

It's okay to actually feel fed up.

It's okay to NOT want to be perfect 24/7. It's okay to want to shout "F*CK OFF!" - even at those who love you who probably don't deserve it. It's probably healthier to let some steam out than to bottle it all up and have some kind of nervous breakdown.

It's okay to just not know. To have everyone coming at you from all angels, wanting something from you - wanting answers - even to simple questions like "what shall we have for dinner?" and for you to say "I don't know". That is okay. It's okay to eat greasy take-out instead of a healthy meal. It's okay to sit next to the pile of laundry and not fold it but to instead sit there with your phone and scroll through things that you like. Stupid things.  It's okay to not do the housework and to just have a long, lovely nap instead. It's okay to not do the damn dishes. They won't wander off. You can do them another day.

What's most important here...is you.

You will get your confidence back. It's okay to doubt yourself. It's reasonable and completely 'normal' (what is normal these days?) to feel like you're the only one who's losing it and to think everyone else is going great guns. I am 41 years old now and you want to know a secret? I've discovered that no one is 100% confident - especially not the ones we think have it all in the bag. They're the most messed up of all.

If you've lost your confidence. If you've come to the brink and thought "f*ck it" and wanted to jump off that ledge...if you are afraid, lonely, tired, fed up, over it...exhausted...then that is okay. It's not nice, certainly. It sucks ass, yes it does. But it will end.

You will feel better from this. You will come out the other side and you will get that sense of "look at me go!" again. You can do anything. You can and you will.

It's going to get better.

Just hang in there until it does.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

best $270.00 I've ever spent, honestly :)

Now that I've written that, I can remember other things I've loved spending HUGE amounts on: * the first time I got my hair chemically straightened :) * when I bought Jon a "year's pass" to the movies - he loved that gift more than anything else I've ever given him * any time I give Mom 'board money' because she's always so grateful and seeing her smile is a blessing anyway *sigh* back to the point... ...today I'm writing to you from a Travelodge Hotel Room. I know...not the most amazing Hotel - but you wouldnt believe how nice my room is. It's a "deluxe suite" and is big, comfortable, pretty and best of all *big smile* it's airconditioned!!! OH YEAH!!! In this horrid, dry and yet super humid Perth heat...being able to sleep to the hum of a working and LOVELY air conditioner is definitely worth the money I've paid. Here's what lead to this: My anxiety began with coming home to find the carpet pulled up, m...

and then, we move on...

Sometimes moving on can be so hard. I remember last year when I got "released" from hospital. The fear of leaving that safe trauma ward was awful. I hated thinking "oh God...now I'll be on my own and I still cant walk"...but you know what? we move on. We move on from petty fights with friends, from stupid family things, from broken hearts and crap days and we hope for better things. Im blessed because I'm experiencing those 'better things' right now, actually. Think about it, Im at work (so Im thankful for a job), I have the world's most amazing people as my friends (seriously, all my friends are worth their weight in gold) I have a safe home, lots of food and money... and I have an amazing boyfriend. Alun met up with me yesterday at the Royal on a sunny, warm Perth day. He had something in a huge shopping bag and held it out to me with an excited grin "OMG Janet - open it, you're gonna LOVE it!" and the smile on his face r...

10...and then 5 :)

Yeah I can tell Im getting better because even though things are tough right now and Im sad and a bit fed up and weary...I still have hope :) I cant help it, it's who I am. I got an email from "Sandy" today. I really care about her and I look up to her and will probably read her email again when im less tired from a long day and it will make more sense...but for now, what I think she was trying to say to me was to take a bit more ownership of my life and to stop asking God to fix it all...or something like that...and I want you to know, Sandy - Im taking ownership of it and doing it ALL myself...but I believe in God and I believe that he hears me and so Im taking EVERYTHING to Him and just asking for some direction on this. I'll email you personally about about that another day. Thanks for always being there for me. I keep trying and failing and falling, then getting excited about something new and getting back up. Im on a very strange path just now and although...