Since the operation, I've just been resting.
I've been doing what I've wanted to do for a very long time - a lot of naps in the day - as many as I want - and long sleeps in the night followed by sleep-ins every morning.
This is wonderful.
Everyone I love in my life is encouraging me to rest. To 'take it easy' and to 'not do too much', especially Alun.
Feels like I've died and gone to heaven, really. This is all I've ever wanted - guilt-free time to rest.
And yet, I can't seem to let go. I can't seem to just enjoy this wonderful time. I'm convinced I'm a burden - especially to Alun - so I'm pushing myself every day to do housework. I'm not resting. I'm stressing. I'm anxious to do things so that I'm "useful" at home.
It. Is. Knackering.
Today was so sunny and bright out that I couldn't help but go out into the world.
So I walked to Maylands - just one train stop up from our home stop of Meltham.
Usually - pre operation Janet - would have smashed such a quick, easy walk out in about 10 minutes. Easy.
Today, it took me 25 very long minutes. I had to stop 3 times along the walk because my head was spinning and I had to wait for my vision to clear. I thought I'd be more physically tired - like I've felt after a good workout at the gym - a good kind of tired from doing something that pushes my body. But I didn't feel any of that today. I mostly noticed a pain in my right leg - as if I was putting all my weight on it and must have been walking on an angle all the way without my knowing? Something like that? And yeah, the head spins. I wasn't tired and I think I could have pushed myself to walk back again...but the dizziness and pain in my leg made me take it easy and catch the train that one stop back again.
It was nice to walk up the hill from the station to our little yellow cottage and know I was home again.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do more and worried about the effect on my body being more like concussion than a good workout. Hmm.
I'm going to try that same walk again tomorrow and every day after that. I'm hoping it will help build up my strength and that each time I try, it will feel easier. Better.
I've been doing what I've wanted to do for a very long time - a lot of naps in the day - as many as I want - and long sleeps in the night followed by sleep-ins every morning.
This is wonderful.
Everyone I love in my life is encouraging me to rest. To 'take it easy' and to 'not do too much', especially Alun.
Feels like I've died and gone to heaven, really. This is all I've ever wanted - guilt-free time to rest.
And yet, I can't seem to let go. I can't seem to just enjoy this wonderful time. I'm convinced I'm a burden - especially to Alun - so I'm pushing myself every day to do housework. I'm not resting. I'm stressing. I'm anxious to do things so that I'm "useful" at home.
It. Is. Knackering.
Today was so sunny and bright out that I couldn't help but go out into the world.
So I walked to Maylands - just one train stop up from our home stop of Meltham.
Usually - pre operation Janet - would have smashed such a quick, easy walk out in about 10 minutes. Easy.
Today, it took me 25 very long minutes. I had to stop 3 times along the walk because my head was spinning and I had to wait for my vision to clear. I thought I'd be more physically tired - like I've felt after a good workout at the gym - a good kind of tired from doing something that pushes my body. But I didn't feel any of that today. I mostly noticed a pain in my right leg - as if I was putting all my weight on it and must have been walking on an angle all the way without my knowing? Something like that? And yeah, the head spins. I wasn't tired and I think I could have pushed myself to walk back again...but the dizziness and pain in my leg made me take it easy and catch the train that one stop back again.
It was nice to walk up the hill from the station to our little yellow cottage and know I was home again.
I'm disappointed that I didn't do more and worried about the effect on my body being more like concussion than a good workout. Hmm.
I'm going to try that same walk again tomorrow and every day after that. I'm hoping it will help build up my strength and that each time I try, it will feel easier. Better.
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