God makes beauty from ashes

Sometimes growing is awesome...you feel like you've learnt something and want to rush outside and start changing the world - I felt like that when I was little. I'd pack a lunch in my 'barbie' backpack, jump on my clunky old bmx and go out 'exploring' wanting to change the world and make it a better place... ...and sometimes growing just hurts your heart. ...like it did today when I heard a knock in the door and called out happily "who is it?" (I was expecting Deane - he came over last night and we had a great chat) and heard a very quiet "It's Bec"... ...and just like that, time just stopped. In the space of 2 seconds, these things happened: * I remembered Bec and I laughing and hugging when we went to Fremantle markets and had a great day * I remembered the first day I met Bec and thought my brother had fallen in love with the most beautiful girl I had EVER seen * I remembered being in England and missing Bec more than I misse...

Heya! Im blogging and chatting and texting and "online dating" all at once. And the neurologists said I wouldnt be able to multi-task again! Pfft. Too easy . Seriously, the last few days have been akin to a whirlwind. Blake texted so I've been thrust into 'dating' I guess... ...Add Tim and Paul to that...and you're where I am right now. Overwhelmed, killing myself laughing and thinking "what the HECK do I do with this?" Tiny Janet is NOT amused, however and thinks Im being a tool and I'll end up on the news as the latest murder victim if Im not more careful with my heart. I am ignoring her. Im 33 in 2 weeks! I dont want to end up old and alone! In my entire life, (and I looked back and properly counted! I swear!) I've only dated about 7 boys...so I feel like if I dont put myself out there and experience things...I'll miss out. I'll be old and alone (I dont think I will even end up a cat lady...even cats would get sick of...

Hey! It will have to be a short blog today because im KNACKERED. I went to work early this morning and couldnt BELIEVE how overcast and muggy it was today. Yuck. Still, its a welcome change from the searing sunlight so I enjoyed it, really. Work was MAD busy...everytime a phonecall almost finished, 3 other calls came in. I felt like I blinked and it was time to pack up, hand over to the lovely Sue...and leave. So I ran for the bus and was 10 minutes late to my Psych appointment. I had this eerie, horrible feeling that this was going to be my last one...that PC had finally had enough of me over these months and that he'd say "sorry...you're on your own...weirdo!" and I told him as much. P said "What made you think that?" and I wanted to say "Because everytime I come in here, its not long before your head is in your hands and you look like a balloon I've just popped" but I shrugged instead. We talked on and off about the crazy workings of m...

It's so weird how a song can transport you. How some lyrics can reflect your life and your heart down to the letter. They're the songs you want to play again and again on your ipod. I really admire great songwriters. Carole King, Newton Faulkner, Beyonce, Rob Thomas, John Mayer...the list is endless. While im blogging this to you, I have 'you tube' open and im listening to all my favourite "Nickleback" songs. Why is it I want to wave my lighter in the air and sing with all my heart? "You're never gonna be alone" is my favourite song right now. Whenever it plays, I think of Becci and I miss her so much. I miss all my UK youthies so much. I just wish I could tell them what was going on and why things have turned out like they had. When I left England, I didnt even say proper "Goodbye's" to the people I love so much. Given that chance, I dont even know how I'd BEGIN to say Goodbye. I think thats something Im really struggling w...

Today Im writing from a place of humility. I guess that's the only thing you CAN do when you finally put the truth out there and it lets people know what you REALLY are. I put up a front of someone caring and lovely and happy and sweet when really, on the inside, Im actually really ugly and pathetic. I'm an adulteress who slept with a man who wasn't her husband. I looked long and hard at myself in the mirror and  I dont like what I see. All I can say is that Im sorry. With all my heart, Im so sorry. When I admit my guilt and shame and a friend loves me nonetheless...it's nothing short of magical. I think I read in a book once that friends are the people who walk in when everyone else walks out...Im learning that in a really gritty, real way now. I think friends are the glue that holds this world together. The thing about friends is that they are the people you CHOOSE. A person cant choose their family (hahahhaa! Can you IMAGINE if they could?) but God gives us...