I look back on all the times I've been depressed and it all starts with the same thing:
Feeling absolutely knackered.
I'm tired, you guys. Right down to my bones.
I'm also very unhappy about nothing and that sucks.
I didn't want to get up this morning. I laid in bed, flat on my back for a good 15 minutes, my stomach aching and my heart breaking (again, for no reason whatsoever), just weighing up whether or not to go into the office. Everything in me just wanted to curl up and stay right where I was - safe and cosy in bed. Just me. Just like that.
Bliss.
But then I remembered Alun had worked a double-shift the night before. 16 hours. He'd come home with a weary smile, kissed me noisily on the cheek (sometimes to be annoying, he licks my face! ugh!) and said something about having a good day. I don't remember because I was falling asleep at the time. I don't know how he works such a long shift then comes home and is so happy. I don't know how he does it day after day. But Alun's alarm went off an hour before mine did this morning - and even though he was tired, he got up and went to work.
...so then I had to go, too.
Grr.
And here I am...with 2 and a half hours to go and I honestly feel like I can't go on. Physically I'm spent. I don't have what it takes to get on with my work. My brain feels foggy. I can't hold a thought still. I think I brushed my teeth twice this morning because I couldn't remember if I'd done it already or not. Maybe more than twice.
Is this how dementia starts?
Oh my word.
Feeling absolutely knackered.
I'm tired, you guys. Right down to my bones.
I'm also very unhappy about nothing and that sucks.
I didn't want to get up this morning. I laid in bed, flat on my back for a good 15 minutes, my stomach aching and my heart breaking (again, for no reason whatsoever), just weighing up whether or not to go into the office. Everything in me just wanted to curl up and stay right where I was - safe and cosy in bed. Just me. Just like that.
Bliss.
But then I remembered Alun had worked a double-shift the night before. 16 hours. He'd come home with a weary smile, kissed me noisily on the cheek (sometimes to be annoying, he licks my face! ugh!) and said something about having a good day. I don't remember because I was falling asleep at the time. I don't know how he works such a long shift then comes home and is so happy. I don't know how he does it day after day. But Alun's alarm went off an hour before mine did this morning - and even though he was tired, he got up and went to work.
...so then I had to go, too.
Grr.
And here I am...with 2 and a half hours to go and I honestly feel like I can't go on. Physically I'm spent. I don't have what it takes to get on with my work. My brain feels foggy. I can't hold a thought still. I think I brushed my teeth twice this morning because I couldn't remember if I'd done it already or not. Maybe more than twice.
Is this how dementia starts?
Oh my word.
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