You're badass

That's what I'd say to my younger self if I could travel back in time - "You're badass, JD"

Makes me laugh - because my younger self probably hasn't heard that word and wouldn't quite know what to do with it.

Uhh...thanks?

Haha.

It seems selfish and conceited but I think this year it's important to compliment myself.

And guess what?

JD - You're badass!

I am.

Because:

I'm resilient AF. I get knocked down so many times...but I get back up. Sometimes I bounce right back up...sometimes yeah, I lay on the ground for a while, trying to figure out what the heck happened to put me there in the first place...but every time...I get back up. And that's something.

I'm a genuinely caring, considerate person. I offer my bus/train seat to the elderly or injured or pregnant without a moment's hesitation. I look out for other people. I chase people down to return whatever they've dropped. I physically take people to places they need to get to in the city rather than give directions (ok...mostly because I can't give directions - but hey, at least I'm not sending them away). I truly, genuinely, with all my heart - love my friends - and I mean...like - really, really LOVE them. My family drive me completely nuts but I love them, too. I really do.

I'm hilarious. I read back over the things I post on facebook and the things I've blogged about in the past and I think to myself "that's actually really funny".

I'm one of the best writers I know. I like that. I feel it's a God-given talent and I'm going to work out how to use it more this year because I love doing it. I guess we naturally love whatever we're good at. Well...that's one of the things I'm good at :) the other is working with children. If I could figure out a way to do both, I think I'd be the happiest girl in the world.

Hmm...children's author???

I had to take time to remind myself I'm not a pile of garbage because my family - mostly my brother - are so good at making me feel like I'm worthless.

I take things to heart so when things happen in my family, I automatically blame myself. When Jay blocks me out and is hurtful to me, I tell myself I fully deserve it. I believe I deserve everything Jay does and says to me.

So sometimes I need to take time out and remind myself I'm not who my brother thinks I am. I'm more.

Jay, I wish you all the happiness in the world. I pray you will always have comfort, safety and blessing.

But this year and from every year onwards, I'm not going to strive to get your approval. In fact, I'm going to do pretty much the opposite and live my life to the fullest regardless of what you think of it. Or of me.

Boom.