Anne V - part 3

I woke the next morning feeling sick with dread.


What had gone on? Had I dreamed it all? Did I dream Anne's visit?

Did I now own a house???


I didn't have to wait long to find out because within minutes, Anne was bounding into my hospital room.

"I have exciting news" her eyes danced with anticipation

 

"You do?" I asked, making room for her to sit next to me on my bed.

 

"I've helped someone lose their virginity" she announced, proudly.

 

I gulped. Oh no. I was really uncomfortable with this conversation. I didn't really like talking about sex. It seemed too...adult.

 

"What? How?" I asked, trying hard to clear my fuzzy head and confusing thoughts.

 

"Well you know how I teach your Sunday School classes now?" Anne explained

NO. I didn't know that. My little ones are my heart. It hurt to think of them being taught by someone else.

 

"I didn't know that, I thought - " I started to object

 

"Anyway. Shut up. Listen to me" Anne scolded. She was so forceful that I immediately backed down.

 

"Because the Sunday School is a separate building from the Church, it's private, you know? Romantic.." Anne sighed happily.

I'd never thought of the children's classrooms as "romantic" before. This was weird.

 

"So anyway, after a lesson the other day, I kept *Lucas behind and we did it against the wall"

 

My heart stopped.

 

"Lucas" was the son of our Church Pastor/Leader. He was a twin and what shocked me most was that Lucas was barely 13. Anne was 19! She should know better.

For the first time in my whole experience with Anne, I stood up against her.


I think I found it easier because in my mind, I needed to protect Lucas. This wasn't about me...this was about a young boy I really cared about. I cared about the entire "Kingsley" family (names changed to protect identities). I loved them all as if they were my own and was protective over each family member. How could she do this to Lucas?!?

"Lucas is just a child. You rapist" I spat out.

I don't know why I said or did that. I think months of being isolated in hospital, getting less visits from friends, not hearing from my family anymore, being cut off from things I loved and feeling overrun and overpowered by Anne just made me lose my mind.

Anne narrowed her eyes. She wasn't shocked or scared...it was as if she had long ago prepared for this very moment.

"You know all about rapists - because your Dad is one" she said, evenly. She smiled.

SHE ACTUALLY SMILED. Anne was enjoying this.

"He's not" I finally said - after all these months of coaching and coaxing from Anne. This was confusing and difficult.

"It's your word on that against mine" Anne said, smugly "Who do you think people will believe? My word - someone who is a Church leader, a Sunday School teacher and someone they all know to be completely sane - or you, a nutcase who's been in a psychiatric ward? No one will believe you, you piece of shit. No one. So you better keep your mouth shut"

Anne didn't yell. But I felt scared and threatened nonetheless.

She was right and we both knew it - no one would believe me.

"You ever wonder why people don't visit you anymore? It's because I told them you hate them. I told them you blamed them all for why you're locked up in here. I've turned everyone against you and you know what? It was easy and it was the most fun I've had in a long time"

My whole body shook.

What on earth?

"I will put things to rights" I said, not knowing where I would even begin to do such a thing.

I couldn't think straight. I felt sick with these threats and this knowledge that Beth was systematically tearing my life apart. My whole world was crashing before my very eyes.

Anne left.

I picked up the telephone by my bed.

What happened next is hard to write about. It's been over 15 years since it happened and yet, I feel the grief and the pain as if it's happening right now to me.

I picked out my address book. I can still see it in my mind's eye. It was a tiny black address book, with blue, green, grey and pink butterflies all over it.

I flicked to the "A" section and called my first friend, Adam. I would tell Adam that anything Beth had told him was a lie. I would fix what she had broken.

Adam picked up "Hello?"

"Adam" I breathed, finding my chest had pulled so tight

I heard weariness instantly in his voice "Janet...what's going on?"

"Eh?"

"Anne just called, saying you'd attacked her. She has been visiting you almost daily - always there for you and you've just lunged at her and tried to hurt her? Oh J...I thought you were better than that"

"No Adam, I didn't...I would never"

"Save it, Janet - ok? I'm sick of your bullshit"

"My what? Adam? I don't understand...?"

"Anne told me a few months ago what you really think of me. My hair is falling out due to heredity, Janet. I thought we were friends! You didn't have to be so rude"

and with that, he hung up.

Adam...I have never thought anything of it. I have loved you with all my heart, you were my close friend at Church...how could you think I would ever say anything of that sort to you?

I slowly worked my way through "B" and "C" in my address book  with the same results - heartbroken, disgusted friends that I thought I once knew so well were so angry and hurt by me - because of Anne.

Oh Anne...what have you been up to all this time?

My heart wasn't broken...it was shattered. I was so unwell on new medications and so very tired. I was so confused.

There's no time to work my way through all these numbers, I suddenly thought to myself. I need to call the Kingsley family and do my best to put an end to the whole Lucas/Beth fiasco. Oh, Mr Kingsley will be so upset. His youngest boy...

Quickly, I turned to "K" in my address book and typed out their number with shaky fingers.

Mr Kingsley answered.

"Mr Kingsley, I -"

"Anne said to expect your call" Mr Kingsley said

Oh sh*t. She'd beat me to it. What lies had she threaded already? I didn't even know what I was up against.

"Mr Kingsley" I tried again, swallowing and wondering what on earth I was going to say.

"Janet, let me stop you there" I heard Mr Kingsley sigh sadly "As a Church Pastor, it's my duty to care for my flock and to not let any wolves in. I thought I knew you, Janet. I thought you were a true believer and I had high hopes of mentoring you and eventually giving you leadership over our young people's choir...but with what Anne has just told me about you and my son Lucas...I don't think I can stand to look at you again. Please. Stay away from us all. How could you?"

Oh no. Anne.

"Mr Kingsley - I would never -"

I heard nothing but dialtone.

I rocked myself back on forth on my bed. So many thoughts racing through my mind. My heart breaking again and again over the huge waves of loss and grief sweeping over me. Waves so big I was drowning in them. The worst thing was...I didn't even know what they were made up of or how to fight them. This was entirely Anne's creation and I felt as if I was a lonely little wooden boat in a sea of accusations and lies.

How do I fight against an invisible monster?

How do I fight when I have trouble balancing when I walk? When I fall out of bed so often with dizziness the Nurses have had to put my bedrails up? How do I fight when I feel as if I am a hollow shell of the person I once was?

And what was going on with the HOUSE Anne had secured?