The tidal wave of pure rage has passed and now I'm just scared, heartbroken, anxious, worried and feeling discouraged. Deeply discouraged.
What is my life?
I really want to explain what I'm going through. I've thought about it all day - how best I can put it to you so you know what it's like and the best example I can come up with a broken leg.
My depression is like a broken leg.
It is pretty straight forward - my leg is BROKEN and I cannot walk on it.
Only, everyone I encounter doesn't understand as only those who have had a 'broken leg' (depression) in the past knows what it's like and so many people in my life haven't, so they are getting really confused over it.
"If you ran more, it would heal faster"
"Do some regular walking on it"
"Think good thoughts because you'll get better so much quicker - being positive and not having a pity party will make your leg whole again"
They are poking and prodding it "Why do you do this to yourself?" "This happens a lot to you, huh?" "Have you considered NOT breaking your leg?"
No.
For the love of God, stop touching it (suggesting ways I can 'fix' my depression), because you're moving it around, causing me so much more pain and making this 100 times harder for me than it already is.
The only thing that will actually heal this broken leg of mine is to rest and let it fix itself.
That's the thing with depression - I am completely UNABLE TO CONTROL IT.
It is just like a broken bone in that I can only rest, wait and see and hope for the best - that it heals and that I can go on as I did before it broke.
What's killing me and what's hardest for me to deal with is the EXPECTATION from those I love that I CAN HEAL MY LEG and the stress I'm under because I can't seem to explain that I PURELY CANNOT. Not because I'm not trying - but because IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to heal my broken bone - and all I can do is wait.
3 days to go.
What is my life?
I really want to explain what I'm going through. I've thought about it all day - how best I can put it to you so you know what it's like and the best example I can come up with a broken leg.
My depression is like a broken leg.
It is pretty straight forward - my leg is BROKEN and I cannot walk on it.
Only, everyone I encounter doesn't understand as only those who have had a 'broken leg' (depression) in the past knows what it's like and so many people in my life haven't, so they are getting really confused over it.
"If you ran more, it would heal faster"
"Do some regular walking on it"
"Think good thoughts because you'll get better so much quicker - being positive and not having a pity party will make your leg whole again"
They are poking and prodding it "Why do you do this to yourself?" "This happens a lot to you, huh?" "Have you considered NOT breaking your leg?"
No.
For the love of God, stop touching it (suggesting ways I can 'fix' my depression), because you're moving it around, causing me so much more pain and making this 100 times harder for me than it already is.
The only thing that will actually heal this broken leg of mine is to rest and let it fix itself.
That's the thing with depression - I am completely UNABLE TO CONTROL IT.
It is just like a broken bone in that I can only rest, wait and see and hope for the best - that it heals and that I can go on as I did before it broke.
What's killing me and what's hardest for me to deal with is the EXPECTATION from those I love that I CAN HEAL MY LEG and the stress I'm under because I can't seem to explain that I PURELY CANNOT. Not because I'm not trying - but because IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to heal my broken bone - and all I can do is wait.
3 days to go.
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