Skip to main content

sleep

So today consisted of:

8:30am - awake. Not because I want to be, but because Alun has licked his finger and put it in my ear.

"Morning, Gorg! Margaret river todaaayyyy!" he sings.

*sigh*

9:00am - help Alun load cases and bags of food (mostly of beers) into the car boot.
Why?
Because Alun is taking his parents 5 hour's drive away for 3 whole days.

YAY YAY YAY!!!

*happy dance*

9:05am - realise Alun is going away from me. Panic.

9:10am - refuse to let go of Alun who is chuckling and trying to get my arms off his waist

9:15am - tearfully wave goodbye as Al and his parents reverse from the driveway. Convinced - 100% - that I will never see him again, somehow.

9:30am - back to bed.

Blissful, wonderful, peaceful sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.

11:00am - leave home to go to a Doctor's appointment.

11:20am - In the waiting room, anxious as hell and wishing I was home. Leaving the comfort of a now guest-free (hooray!) house is really, really hard.

11:35am - Leaving the Doctor's clinic and wiping away tears as I clutch a week's medical certificate. The Doctor I saw was new, I've not seen him before. He asked why I needed to see him, I burst into hysterical tears. He said I was suffering 'burn out' and 'excessive stress' and recommended 'bed rest' for the whole week.

WINNING!!!

11:50am - meet with my dear friend Cat for 'breakfast'. Order blueberry pancakes. They are awful and dry - as if they were cooked a week ago and have been re-heated in a sandwich press. Eat them anyway. Enjoy Cat's giggle and love the feeling of sitting across the table from my friend.

12:30pm - Honestly admit to Cat I am struggling being away from home and that my eyes are heavy and I need more sleep. Cat understands immediately and insists on driving me home.

12:45pm - Get back into bed.

Sleep. SO MUCH SLEEP. SO GOOD.

4:30pm - Wake up. Potter about the house in my pjs. Enjoy the SILENCE and the knowledge that Alun's parents are not walking around, touching everything and muttering away in Welsh.

THIS IS AWESOME.

5:00pm - Talk on the phone to Claudie - saying anything and everything I want to - because there are no office gossips waiting to take me down, Alun isn't about so I don't have to worry I'll worry and stress him out and his parents are nowhere to be seen so I can complain about how much I miss the space and quiet at home and IT IS WONDERFUL to be able to talk so freely.

5:30pm - Water the garden in my pjs. Realise I am smiling. I haven't smiled in so long. This feels great.

6:00pm - Talk online with a few mates.

7:00pm - Talk online with Marc and ignore all other messages because let's face it, he's my favourite. He is unwell so I worry about him. Even so, his cheeky sarcasm comes out and when he complains the same way Alun does about my friend Genevieve and how bossy she is when I post on Facebook about anything environment/food related, I laugh.

I haven't laughed in what feels like so long.

Now, one of my favourite shows is on telly. I've poured myself another pint of coke (don't tell Genevieve) and will heat up the pizza Alun made me (bless him) for dinner.

Then you know what? I will probably sleep. AGAIN.

All night. In my own home with NO GUESTS.

I love this, you guys. I love this.

#ThankyouGod #Blessed


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

the other side

Wow. A lot of blogging from me today. I guess a part of me knows this will end soon. I won't be here much longer so I'm trying to get out as much as I can before it all stops. The other side of my blogging is that I need you. When you text me, message me or maybe even call me to tell me "Hang ON, Janet" "Don't give up" "You mean something to me, please don't leave us yet" It means the absolute WORLD to me. When a friend reaches out and messages me: "No need to reply at all, just want you to know I'm thinking of you" or "Hey, just want to remind you I love you" or "You can do this, I believe in you" They save my life. And I go through 24 hours a day of wanting to die...so those texts, they are like little sparks of hope in my life that keep me going for another hour. My friend Christabel doesn't understand it "Why do you need other people to tell you you're awesome"? I don

About Alun

After a long day at work, I've rushed home to write this blog because I need to let you know that Alun is the best person I know. Truly. He is suffering from his own depression because he's going through some very heavy things these last 6-12 months: - Alun has patients that die over and over when he's at work. Alun loves deeply, so he takes their passing away to heart and he grieves over ever patient as if they were a friend. I can't imagine how incredibly dark and painful that must be for him. But he still goes to work. He still tries so hard and he still loves with all his heart, no matter how much it gets broken at work. - Alun's wife (me) is a complete psycho. Dealing with that on the daily can't be good for anyone. - Alun's dear friend and fellow Rugby player died a month ago. When she was diagnosed with untreatable, incurable cancer that was going to kill her completely in a matter of weeks, Alun's heart shattered into a million pieces. So

Trying to move on from George

It's struck me how similar a psychologist-to-patient relationship is to a romantic relationship because right now, I'm trying to "get over" George, (not his real name) and finding it really, really hard. George and I "worked" together for 3 years and became really good friends over all those psychology sessions. I shared my deepest secrets, biggest fears and most treasured hopes and dreams with George. We'd "unpacked" so many things...every time I'd gotten fired from work, all my relationships, my worries, my triumphs...I guess when you spend that much time getting to know someone - there's bound to be a relationship there. I shared my hopes and fears, and he ended up sharing his life, too. He loved yoga. He had a partner and she had a 12 year old son who didn't approve of George and was a little too sarcastic for his liking. George also had an office bully and related to my struggles because he knew what it was like. We became